Words; how they can hurt people.

Ah words, everybody uses them and depending on what words you say or how you form them into a sentence it can have effects on someone emotionally, physiologically, you name it. I mean you say something nice about someone they may feel happy, appreciated, maybe even loved, but if you say something horrible about someone then they may feel sad, angry or confused. Now negative words don’t know normally bother me, to be honest you could say whatever you wanted about me and I wouldn’t give a fuck. However under certain circumstances some words can get under my skin and get a reaction out of me.

I am pretty good at masking my emotions so even when someone says something about me that I don’t like, I can just shrug it off on the outside and look like I’m not bothered. But tonight, at work my deputy manager said something to me that actually stuck… He called me incompetent. Now in a way it’s not that bad of a word, he could have called me a lot worse, but ‘incompetent’, really? That actually hurt me yo. The word ‘incompetent’ by definition means: “Not having the necessary skills to do something successfully.” And for someone to say that about me, someone who gives their all in every endeavour he undertakes and gives his 100% that’s just disgusting. It’s insulting. And it is deeply hurtful and disrespectful.

Now you may be asking what could I have done to deserve such an insult? Well basically while working on the bar tonight I made a series of errors when it came to taking people’s orders and using the cash register. While I hadn’t gotten completely familiar with the cash register, I had used it three times before and for the most part I was good when using it, however I did make a good few cock-ups and was overwhelmed by the amount of drunken customers asking me for orders. So then near the end of the night when all the guests had cleared off, the deputy manager called for me and took me to one side in a room to discuss my performance and let me know that the place I worked for had apparently lost a considerable amount of money due to my inconsistencies. I tried to explain my situation, but I was told my work wasn’t good even enough. He called me incompetent and after that point up until now, it still rings within my ears. He should have just called me an imbecile and fired me right there and then. But anyway like I said before, most words never bother me, but to be called ‘incompetent’ in the work place, in a profession I really wish to excel in that really knocked me down a few pegs.

Of course you may say of yeah just remember that old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” And to some degree that is true, however there are certain words that people you that fuck with your mind-set and they can indeed hurt you!

I really would like to become a barman, it seems like a great profession to have, you get to meet new people, gain new skills and I like the general environment of a pub or restaurant. However with my questionable performance tonight along with my deputy manager’s disgusting words about me, it makes me feel like I’m really not cut out for this line of work yo.

So what do I do now? Well I guess all I can do now is try to shake it off, recover my lost confidence and get on with life. I dare not think what’ll happen if I ever have to go back there to work, but hopefully it won’t be anytime soon. In the end I just wanted to share with you how some words can singlehandedly make you feel like shit and hurt you in the same way physical attacks can.