Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Catwoman

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #30 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. So, on the final day of this epic blog series I have saved the best for last, today I am of going to talk about one of the most disgusting films in the history of superhero films, one that everyone has tried to forget for years and is just tragic piece of film in general… Yeah, it’s Catwoman.

Oh this film, yuck. I have never had the misfortune of seeing this film up until now because I was smart enough to stay away. I’d seen clips on TV, saw the trailers in the cinema way back when and watched the Nostalgia Critic’s review pretty much cementing my need to stay away. But with this blog series, I knew I would have to go the dark places to find some bad films and this is one of the most popular. I do wonder if it’ll be worst than Spawn or X-Men Origins: Wolverine because those are pretty much my most hated comic book films. People wish me luck! 😛

The story can be summed up as the following:

“A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.”

The story is horrible. It’s like the filmmakers wanted to keep some of the original Catwoman elements but create something new, but I feel like the ran with the new ideas too far and created something so far-fetched that the end result is beyond what anyone was expecting. This film is weird, confusing and because of its random nature the level of realism is lost because there feels like there’s no rules. The whole ‘cat’ aspect was taken way too far; from the intro credits to the history lesson from Ophelia to Patience’s character habits in general, it was too literal and quite painful to watch. The whole story felt like a joke, a sick, twisted and awkward joke, and while there was some humour to be found it was because I was laughing at the film and not with it.

Now let’s talk about the cast. Firstly there’s Halle Berry as Patience Phillips/Catwoman. Man, where do I begin? On the one hand there’s Patience, a person who would give Clark Kent a run for his money as the most clumsy, boring and insignificant person in existence, this girl’s life made me want to cry because of how frail and innocent she was. But then there’s Catwoman, damn, this girl is crazy, she’s sassy, aggressive, full of puns, cat-like tendencies and feels the need to be sexy all the time, which doesn’t always work considering some of the dialogue she’s spouting out. Berry is so cheesy, weird and embarrassingly bad in this role that is almost impossible to watch. Whether it is terrible dialogue, battle poses, her overly sexual walk or those strange cat tendancies, it makes me cringe. And I don’t think I could continue without mentioning her costume, the Catwoman costume; it’s impractical, ridiculous and leaves nothing to the imagination, but I have to say that Berry looks good in it. But seriously, that is no superhero/anti-hero costume, that’s a dominatrix outfit for sure.

Benjamin Bratt as Detective Tom Lone was alright, he was charming and fun at times, but other times his character was so dumb and silly that I couldn’t like him that much and his character only seemed to be in the film to be a love interest for Patience. Sharon Stone as Laurel Hedare was pretty bad, at first she’s not too bad, but the over-acting comes in later on and it is so hard to take Stone seriously with some of her dialogue. Lambert Wilson as George Hedare, wow, if you want the definition of a typical, cliché and cartoonish bad guy for the audience to hate, look no further. George is a douche and has no redeeming qualities and so when you see him giving our main character grief you’re just waiting for her to get take him out. Frances Conroy as Ophelia Powers was really hard to take seriously because of how strange her character came across and finally Alex Borstein as Sally was quite fun, sure she was pretty annoying at times but for the most part I found her funny.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is terrible. One of the things that jumped out at me immediately was the overuse of CGI, it is used for most of the scene transitions when moving around the cityscape, would it have cost the filmmakers that much just to film these locations in real life? It would have made the film look a less like a video game. Also the CGI used for Catwoman during her “Spider-Man” moments was so bad, it was blurry and unpolished and some of those actions would have been much better if there was a stunt person doing all the work instead or if these crazy superpowers weren’t included in the first place! Oh and I have to mention the action scenes, they aren’t good. The choreography goes from being lazy to completely random and stupid, there’s no sense of realism, logic or awesomeness involved. The two moments that stand out to me as especially bad was the introduction of the Catwoman outfit (the attention to ass and breasts was clearly appealing to the male audience) and the horrible basketball scene, oh man, that was an endurance. As for the soundtrack by Klaus Badelt, it frigging sucks. I don’t know this guy was thinking when he put this film score together but it is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. The score is full of sassy and highly sensual music elevated by women singing in the background and it is incredibly cheesy, off-putting and awkward. I feel like the soundtrack was crafted with the fact that Patience was black and the music was a representation of her darker/sexier side, but it doesn’t work, its hella lame, frustrating and cringeworthy. This for me was easily the worst part of the film.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? My Catwoman knowledge is kind of sketchy but even I can tell that this is not the character I remember from the comics. Besides bearing the name Catwoman, having her whip and love for shiny jewelry, everything else is brand new and doesn’t have any proper connection to the Batman mythos.

So to conclude Catwoman is just bad. I understand a need to create something that is new and different for audiences who have been acquainted with the character for so long, but this is not the way to do it. With a bizarre story, bad acting and incredibly awkward tone and setting, this is one of those films you sit and reflect on just to try and comprehend what you just saw. It is not the worst film I’ve ever seen in the superhero genre, but it is not one that should ever be watched unless you like the game of torture.

Rating: 2/10

And with that reviews done, that’s all 30 reviews done and dusted! GAME OVER SON! 😀 So have you been unfortunate enough to have seen the atrocity that is Catwoman and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo!

I just want to say thank you to everyone all commented and liked the posts in this series, it was a lot of work and I can say it was pretty difficult to stay consistent, but hell I got through it. I would like to personally thank Sidekick Reviews and Tim the Film Guy for their contributions, you guys rock! Well now it’s time to get back to the regular content, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Elektra

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #29 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Back in 2013 I watched Daredevil for the first time and it was a little better than I expected, but nothing special, but I knew it was a pretty damn good when compared to the 2005 spin-off that came afterwards; Elektra.

Surprisingly this is a film I’ve seen before, yeah, I’ve suffered this madness once already. 😦 It was on TV and I was curious to know if it was that bad and man, it was and that was around 4-6 years I think. But now I’m stepping into the lion’s den again to see this horrible mess again because I like to torture myself. 😛

The story can be summed up as the following:

“Elektra the warrior survives a near-death experience, becomes an assassin-for-hire, and tries to protect her two latest targets, a single father and his young daughter, from a group of supernatural assassins.”

The story here is interesting but flawed. I liked the concept of the Hand, Elektra as an assassin-for-hire and the history between her and Stick, but beyond that this film has a lot of familiar plot elements to those who watch a lot of action films or read a lot of comics. From the obligatory love interest to the main protagonist knowing discovery someone from their past to bad guys hunting after a specific item/person that the hero has to protect, its standard stuff and it can work when done well, but this film was really boring and generic, and there was nothing you couldn’t see coming. This film also has a lot of things happen without any explanation as to why it’s happening and there some moments when very illogical or random decisions are made which just make you question the level of intelligence of certain characters. I also felt like this film was trying too hard to be cool without seeing how other comic book films were able to pull it off with ease.

Now let’s talk about the cast. Jennifer Garner as Elektra Natchios. Elektra is a semi-cool and interesting character, however I felt like her reputation hyped her up to be more impressive than she was. Sometimes Garner does come across as a bit of a badass and other times not so much, I just don’t feel like she has the face or physicality of female assassin in the way that Rebecca Romijn’s Mystique or Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow have been able to pull off. I have to mention while Elektra’s costume is more comic book accurate in this film than in Daredevil it still looks ridiculous and cosplay-ish, however Garner look really hot in it, nuff said. Terence Stamp was pretty good as Stick, even though Stick was blind I didn’t buy it at all as Stamp’s body language and demeanour suggested otherwise. Will Yun Lee as Kirigi was alright, I liked his action sequences and screen presences, but he never felt too threatening and because of his dialogue I wasn’t keen on him at all. Goran Visnjic as Mark Miller was one of the most boring people ever, I knew exactly why his character was in the film and his scenes were the most uninteresting as Visnjic just didn’t have a memorable or charismatic presence on-screen. Kirsten Prout as Abby Miller was pretty annoying for around two thirds of the film but then she becomes slightly more tolerable later on, Prout rides the line between being nice and insufferable. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was good but underused as Roshi and Colin Cunningham as McCabe was pretty forgettable.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is alright. The action scenes for the most part is good especially when there are weapons involved and there’s appropriate lighting for the scenes at night as well. But that’s where the positives end. I did not like the use of CGI in this film, sure it was necessary for some of the characters with powers, but some of that stuff easily could have been done practically. Also this film seems to love slow motion shots, it doesn’t make things cooler and it doesn’t help when it is used for the most boring of action poses or if someone is falling down. Another thing of note is while I like the action scenes, none of them were memorable or mind-blowing, and the fight choreography was decent but so unimpressive especially for people taught in the art of ninjitsu. As for the soundtrack, Christophe Beck’s store is nice but forgettable.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? Well I’ve not read much Daredevil or Elektra material to comment on this section, though I will say that the film at least gets certain aspects right with Elektra’s martial arts skills, the inclusion of Stick and the Hand. But there are a lot of changes that I’ve read when comparing certain characters to the comics and they are horrible.

So to conclude Elektra is not as bad as I remember it to be, but it is far from being a good film. There are some interesting ideas in this film and if they had been handled better this film would have been a much better piece of work. But instead we have to settle for generic bad guys and plot elements, lacklustre action sequences and some other stuff that just makes no sense. I hope the character of Elektra is done more justice when she hopefully shows up in Marvel’s Daredevil.

Rating: 4/10

That’s 29 reviews done, only 1 more to go. So have you seen Elektra and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Tank Girl

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #28 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Today talking about Tank Girl.

I’ve always known about but have never got around to watching it the whole way through. The only reasons I know of its existence is because: 1) Jamie Hewlett co-creator of the Gorillaz was also the co-creator the comic behind this film. And 2) I’ve seen a bit of this film on TV, but never saw the whole thing because I was super tired. 😛 And since this film falls under the superhero genre according to Wikipedia I’m going to count it in this blog series, so there. 😀

The story can be summed up as the following:

“The film follows a series of confrontations between the draconian corporation Water & Power and both Tank Girl and the Rippers, a group of genetically modified super soldiers, who must team up to defeat the corporation’s leader Kesslee.”

The story is certainly interesting but is bit questionable in its execution. I liked the setting and backstory as to how the Earth got into the state that it was in and how the character had to survive in such hardships. There were a lot of intriguing story elements that this film presented that got me engaged initially, but then after a while the story just moves all over the place and it lacked a bit of focus. It also didn’t help that the film’s tone was all over the place, for the most part it was comedic and wacky, but because of that it really affected the emotional points later on because they didn’t feel like they meshed well with the rest of the film. Now I’m all for crazy, strange and unnatural experiences in my films because that describes me down to a tee haha, but even this film got a bit too strange with its odd sensual nature, pop culture references and (SPOILER) one moment when the film breaks into a musical for no proper reason.

Now let’s talk about the cast. Lori Petty does a pretty good job as Tank Girl. This main character is super charismatic, crazy, sassy, confident and sexy. She’s a lot of fun to watch because she’s like a party popper and very unpredictable, she’s strong-willed in the face of danger and seems to have a plan for everything even if it’s not always intentional. My issue with this girl is that she’s not easy to get attached to, she’s no major flaws or quieter moments for us get emotionally invested in her. Naomi Watts is almost unrecognisable as Jet Girl, here we have a character is quite cute, innocent, smart and resourceful and together with Tank Girl they have good chemistry. Watts is quite fun in this role and I liked the charisma of her character. And then there’s Malcolm McDowell as Kesslee, he’s the main antagonist of the film, he’s smart and calculated, aggressive and witty and delights in causing pain and suffering to anyone who crosses him. McDowell is no stranger to being the bad guy and he does fine in this film, but sometimes he goes really over-the-top and ruins things a little. Ice-T as T-Saint was fine, it felt like Ice-T was just playing himself but that was fine as it suited the nature of the character.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is very interesting and different. The visual effects are alright and the style of the locations has a unique charm to it, but it’s the animation sequences that really worked for me. As a man who loves 2D animation and stylish comic book art, I really appreciated the intricacy and fluidity of the animation and how insane it was. What didn’t work as well was the use of the comic book panels in the film, they’d be used as either scene transitions or would cut in between the live-action stuff and it was just a bit jarring and unnecessary and it at times it felt like this was just a way for the filmmakers to cut corners around filming certain things rather than it having relevance. As for the soundtrack,. I wasn’t keen on the music tracks selected for the soundtrack as most of them took me out of the film and just reminded me of some of the music I used to hear on the radio as a child. There were some exceptions to the rule that fit with the tone of the film and they were mainly the rock songs.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? I haven’t read the comics so I can’t compare the two, but I would love to check them out at some point.

So to conclude Tank Girl is an interesting film. It’s wacky, so energetic and fun, but the story felt a little messy and tonally the film is inconsistent, and the film like it is all spectacle and no heart. I think this film is worth watching just for the performance of Lori Petty and the visual presentation alone, so if you’re curious give it a try.

Rating: 5/10

That’s 28 reviews done, only 2 more to go. So have you seen Tank Girl and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Man-Thing

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #27 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Today talking about Man-Thing.

This is one of those characters I’ve heard mentioned around the internet since 2010, and on my occasional research of Marvel films released over the years I have seen this one in their filmography but never really cared about since Man-Thing was not a character I’d ever hard of. So after all these years I’ll finally get to see what’s going on with this character. Now I know this film is more horror than superhero, but because of the character’s origins in the comics this film will count in this blog series.

The story can be summed up as the following:

“Agents of an oil tycoon vanish while exploring a swamp marked for drilling. The local sheriff investigates and faces a Seminole legend come to life: Man-Thing, a shambling swamp-monster whose touch burns those who feel fear.”

The story isn’t anything special and in fact is mainly boring overall. My main gripe with this film was that there was nothing to separate it from all of the other horror films that exist, especially the bad ones. This is another tale of humans messing with nature and nature striking back, this time in the form of a swamp monster. The way everything happens feels like it is out of the horror codes and conventions handbook, the bad edition. Everything feels contrived and familiar with no ‘wow’ factor, and it also doesn’t help that the film isn’t scary, besides a few jump scares there is no sense of atmosphere, tension or mystery. Half the time I didn’t know what was going on and I don’t think the filmmakers behind this film knew either, even after you get certain answers to the mysteries it still doesn’t give you all the explanations you require. I may as well have just re-watched the 2005 remake of House of Wax, yeah that film was more entertaining than this.

Now let’s talk about the cast, honestly most of them were pretty forgettable and cheesy as well, I don’t recall half of the people that were in the film so I’ll just talk about the one’s I do remember. Matthew Le Nevez as Sheriff Kyle Williams was your standard male protagonist, he’s trying to the right thing but he’s no pushover and he has to have some romantic spark with the female lead. Rachael Taylor didn’t fare much better as Teri Elizabeth Richards, she’s a feisty, smart and pretty lady who happened to be an activist for nature. Mark Stevens did alright as Ted Sallis/Man-Thing, Jack Thompson was just silly as Frederic Schist and I guess the only person I really liked was Rawiri Paratene as Pete Horn.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is okay, it tries to create a creepy atmosphere with the lighting and scenes at night but it’s not very impressive and some of the scene transition and sound effects are more annoying than scary. The creature itself was apparently made with a combination of practical and digital effects and the end result isn’t bad, but at the same time it does look less than intimidating. As for the soundtrack by Roger Mason it was pretty tame and forgettable and didn’t do much for the film.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? I haven’t read the comics personally, but from what I’ve read online this live-action adaptation was made into a straight-up horror film and ignored the superhero elements entirely.

So to conclude Man-Thing isn’t the worst film that I’ve ever seen, but it isn’t particularly good either. It feels like your standard generic horror film with all the clichés you’d expect and while there are a few unique things going on with the story and the monster, it’s not enough to engage you throughout. I would like to see this character done justice in another live-action adaptation (possibly in the Marvel Cinematic Universe since he was name dropped in the first season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.).

Rating: 4/10

That’s 27 reviews done, only 3 more to go. So have you seen Man-Thing and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Steel

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #26 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Today talking about the terror that Steel.

Back in the 90’s I loved Shaquille O’Neal, he was my favourite NBA player and loved watching him play basketball on TV. I’ve never known him to be a good actor, I’ve seen him in a handful of TV and film roles but the only thing I remember him in was that one scene in Good Burger haha. After watching the Nostalgia Critics review I was hoping to never find a reason to watch this disaster of a film for myself, but because of this blogging series I am diving ever deeper into shit pile to see what I can find and everyday it seems like discovering things that should have stayed buried.

The story can be summed up as the following:

“John Henry Irons designs weapons for the military. When his project to create weapons that harmlessly neutralize soldiers is sabotaged, he leaves in disgust. When he sees gangs are using his weapons on the street, he uses his brains and his Uncle Joe’s junkyard know-how to fight back, becoming a real man of “steel.””

Let me be clear from the beginning, this film is horrendous! SHAME, SHAME, SHAME! *Rings a bell* I have endured Supergirl, Captain America and Spawn, but nothing has made me feel so much rage and disgust like Steel has. Like the Angry Video Game Nerd says, “What were they thinking?” The story in this film is ridiculous from beginning to end. The codes and conventions, themes and story progression is the most cliché and generic stuff you could think of meshed into one film. There’s The film feels like it was aimed at children with the life lessons the film tries to teach and the whole ‘costumed superhero is cool’ kind of vibe that the characters give off, but it’s so silly and nonsensical that it doesn’t work. Also this film is trying to hard to be cool, adult and smart but it fails at all three, the way things happen in this film is predictable, painful and ridiculous. After a while I was barely paying attention to what wa going on because watching this film hurt my brain with all the horrible dialogue, infuriating one-liners, references to Superman and Batman, and stupidly obvious situations that some of the characters couldn’t find their way out of. When the film was over I was mentally exhausted, no joke.

Now let’s talk about the cast. Firstly there’s Shaquille O’Neal as John Henry Irons/Steel. O’Neal just doesn’t have the acting talent to pull off a role like this, he tries his best but it’s not good enough and comes across more cheesy and silly than serious and cool. Also Irons for all his intelligence is one dumb guy, he can’t do the most basic of things and I doesn’t know how to engage certain people emotionally. Annabeth Gish doesn’t fare much better as Susan “Sparky” Sparks. This girl is smart but is also be quite obviously and foolish. Also there’s this implied romance between these two but they act like they’re in high school, like they’re best friends just discovering like there is some kind of spark between them, but the film is so poorly written that nothing important ever evolves between these two characters. Oh and then there’s Judd Nelson as Nathaniel Burke, oh god, what did this film do to you Nelson! I adored this guy in The Breakfast Club, how did he go from that to this? Burke is about as cliché and typical as you can get as the villain of this film, he is always looking out for number one, is very egotistical and is out for revenge, but nothing that he does ever makes you root for him or even like him. Richard Roundtree as Uncle Joe is another horrible person in the cast spouting one-liners and trying to act all funny by being old or hip and it doesn’t work. Irma P. Hall as Grandma Odessa doesn’t fare much better being annoying for the same reasons as Uncle Joe, but also for going on about that damn souffle all the time. And finally Ray J just adds the cherry on this turd sundae as Martin, he’s this annoying little kid who has a very warped idea of what it’s like to be smart, successful and normal. He’s constantly going on about making money, doesn’t want to do his school work and is falling in with the wrong types of people.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is pretty bad. The action is lacking in any sort of ‘wow’ factor and doesn’t have any memorable moments (besides maybe that ridiculous moment with the wheelchair with guns 😦 ) Also the special effects, there wasn’t that much of them but they were still pretty lame. Oh and that costume, it is frigging horrendous! I don’t know how the character looked in the comics but surely there must have been a way to make Shaq look cooler than what he got in the film, it looks barely put together and nowhere near superhero quality, for shame! As for the soundtrack, besides the main theme that’s kind of cool and feels like a cross between Shaft and RoboCop, Mervyn Warren’s film score is just off. It has a nice funky sound mixed in with a more traditional orchestrated sound but it doesn’t really elevate the film or add to the what’s happening on-screen and a lot oft he time it feels mismatched and awkward.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? I haven’t read the original source material but something tells me from what I’ve read online that this film done goofed by creating its own original spin on the DC Comics character.

So to conclude Steel is shit, yeah I said it. I don’t like to swear too often because I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about how I use my vocabulary, but it is films like this that make me want to freak the hell out and drop some curse words. This film is a mess, it’s long, annoying, insanely silly and not funny at all. It is a dirty stain on the superhero genre and is an insulting viewing experience for anyone who is subjected to it. Just stay away from the god-awful film and if you are curious just watch The Nostalgia Critic’s review, you’ll be better off for sure.

Rating: 1/10

That’s 26 reviews done, only 4 more to go. So have you seen Steel and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Spawn

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #25 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Now we’re really heading into the bad side of superhero films as I’ll be talking about Spawn.

Spawn is one of those characters I’ve heard SO much about since probably the early 2000’s from my uncle, TV, online film critics, fans and superhero-related film sites. He’s a big deal and I’ve always been curious to see if the first live-action film was as bad as people made it out to be.

The story can be summed up as the following:

“An assassin named Al Simmons is double-crossed and murdered by his evil boss Jason Wynn. Al makes a deal with the devil and returns to earth as Spawn to see his wife. He is ordered by the devil’s minion, The Clown, to kill Wynn. Wynn has made a deal with the clown too and is supposed to destroy the world with a deadly virus that will help start Armageddon and allow Hell to attack Heaven. Spawn must choose between Good & Evil.”

The story in this film for a while was just lame, but then by the end I was left even more unimpressed than before. This tale of revenge, good and evil and deception could have been great, but it’s too convoluted, messy and uneven for its own good. This film also tries way too hard to be cool, dramatic and dark, but it fails at all three because of the undeveloped and one-dimensional characters, cliché dialogue, familiar plot points you can see coming a mile away and emotional moments that don’t feel earned. Plus there is a lot of humour and adult references in this film, but rather than feeling funny or impressive, it’s just sad and in bad taste. Also this film goes on for too long, some shots linger for a few seconds longer than they should and there is a point towards the end where the film should have been over, but NOPE! It just had to keep going for a few more minutes and keep this painful experience going a little longer. 😦

Now let’s talk about the cast. I’m not gonna lie, everyone in this film is terrible. Some performances aren’t as bad as other but everyone tends to act like they’re doing their best to be bad and over-the-top. Michael Jai White as Al Simmons/Spawn is the first offender, you’re meant to like him but he has no redeeming qualities, he’s not cool, funny, relatable or tragic, he’s just a guy with anger issues and occasionally shows emotions. Martin Sheen doesn’t fare any better as Jason Wynn, this guy is the most generic bad guy ever, and he makes it no secret to anyone. But the worst person in this film is clearly John Leguizamo as Clown/Violator. I thought Leguizamo was bad in The Super Mario Bros. Movie, but this is on a whole new level of bad. This character never shuts up, he’s always making some pop culture reference or cracking jokes or farting or being crude and indecent in general. I will not lie, sometimes I did smile because he was entertaining, but in general Leguizamo was just insufferable. Nicol Williamson was probably the least offensive as Cogliostro, though he only showed up when the plot demanded it which made him seem pretty useless. Theresa Randle was okay at first as Wanda Blake Simmons-Fitzgerald, but even she gets her time in the sun to be terrible. D. B. Sweeney was fine as Terry Fitzgerald, Melinda Clarke looked pretty good but was very forgettable in leather as Jessica Priest and Frank Welker did a good job as the voice of Malebolgia, though al I could think of was Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. 😛

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is a pretty bad, there are some interesting moments but most of the film is not nice to look at. The costume design for Spawn when he’s fully armoured up is nice, but it only looks good in certain shots, most times it looks really rubbery and odd. I also think that this film inspired Spider-Man 3‘s handling of Venom as Spawn constantly feels the need to show his face and not be in the full costume that fans want to see him in. As for the CGI it’s messy, I know it was the late 90’s but some of those special effects looked horrible, so blurry, lacking in detail and it looked like some of it belonged on TV or one of those B-movies from the Sy-Fy channel. Oh and the fight sequences in hell, what the fuck man? That was some of the most poorly framed, incoherent and unimpressive action I had ever witnessed. As for the soundtrack, Graeme Revell’s film score isn’t that impressive and doesn’t do well to help elevate the film and instead makes it sound worse with the soundtrack trying to sound cool when in fact it doesn’t.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? I’ve never read the comics so I can’t comment on this section.

So to conclude Spawn is not just a bad film it is a terrible one. This film offends me more so than some of the previous films I’ve watched because of the potential it had to be good but it ultimately wasted its opportunities and created a soulless, unoriginal and silly film which was such a chore to watch. This is another case of a film being released before the right time, had Spawn been made post Batman Begins, I think the film would have been better off (you know if they changed everyone involved in making this one). I hope that in the right hands a reboot can be crafted with today’s kind of care towards the superhero genre because Spawn needs to be done justice.

Rating: 2/10

That’s 25 reviews done, only 5 more to go. So have you seen Spawn and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Judge Dredd

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #24 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Today talking about that film where “I AM THE LAW!” is a very funny thing to say, I am of course talking about Judge Dredd.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! Haha, Judge Dredd, oh yeah I remember this film. This is another film I’ve seen before and I consider it fun for all the wrong reasons. These days officially we have a much better version of this character with 2012’s Dredd, but before that awesomeness we have this version from the 90’s which is an experience to say the least.

The story can be summed up as the following:

“In a dystopian future, Joseph Dredd, the most famous Judge (a police officer with instant field judiciary powers) is convicted for a crime he did not commit while his murderous counterpart escapes.”

The story is certainly interesting but the execution is terrible. This is a tale of good versus evil, but also about betrayal, deception and revenge, that all sounds good on paper but the way this film handles these elements is very messy, muddled up and confusing. Had the film just streamlined itself and taken out a few of the narrative elements tied to other characters it would have been so much better. It also doesn’t help that there is a massive tonal inconsistency, the film is trying to be serious, but with all the one-liners, generic plot points and terrible comic relief you can’t take it seriously so when the film is trying to add drama or some emotion it feels out of place because of the cheesy and comedic tone. Also what is the scriptwriters obsession with the law? I understand that it is a very important aspect of the film, but all of the characters feel the need to mention it in every second sentence that they speak, its ridiculous and you could probably make a drinking game from it too. You’d be smashed afterward for sure.

Now let’s talk about the cast. Firstly there’s Sylvester Stallone as Judge Dredd. Listen Stallone, I like him he’s a good actor, however, he was just terrible here. Sometimes you can’t understand what he’s saying because he’s shouting or mumbling which makes his words hard to comprehend, it also doesn’t help that he’s full of cheesy dialogue and one-liners that get old pretty fast and for a person whose supposed to be emotionless Dredd certainly likes to be a douche to people and does a lot of smiling and scowling.Rob Schneider as Fergee… This guy, he just pissed me off. Schneider tries his very best to be one of the most over-the-top, wise-cracking, wacky, silly and annoying people to ever come into existence in a film. Fergee thinks he’s witty and smart, but he’s just a fool who moans about everything and is such a little pain in the ass, I wanted him to die so many times. Oh but the person that takes the cake when it comes to over-the-top is Armand Assante as Rico Dredd. What the actual fuck man? This guy seemed like he was on some kind of drugs as he was so hyperactive, crazy, animated and ridiculous. If he’s not being creepy getting up in people’s faces then he’s shouting his lines at the top of his lungs, it does make for some humourous moments for sure but Assante is just on another level of madness.

I liked Diane Lane as Judge Hershey. This lady is smart, loyal, confident and logical, she’s also tough and can speak her mind and Lane acts with the most amount of realism and restraint out of the main cast. Max von Sydow was good as Chief Justice Fargo, like Lane, Sydow acted with restraint and realism and wasn’t cheesy in his performance. The same can’t be said for Jürgen Prochnow as Judge Griffin, he was fine up until a point and them went a little hammy towards the end. And finally I want to give a shout out to James Earl Jones as the Narrator at the beginning of the film, it was nice and I felt like Mufasa was reading me a bedtime story or something haha.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is okay but messy.  The film was trying very hard to be visually distinctive with the look of the city and the use of special effects, but it doesn’t look to polished and the green screen and CGI doesn’t look real enough to work in the advanced environment these characters live in. The costume design was also a bit bulky and silly and I think could have been slimmed down and refined for the Judges. As for the soundtrack, Alan Silvestri does a decent job with the score creating these dramatic and heroic themes, though the use of some them in certain scenes really doesn’t match what’s happening on-screen.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? I have unfortunately not read the source material so I can’t comment.

So to conclude Judge Dredd is pretty bad film. I can understand what it was trying to do but it failed due to its messy story, over-acting and bad dialogue. Upon second viewing things that I didn’t like were more noticeable and while I can still laugh at the film it’s not that funny this time around. This is another one of those films you can only watch if you’re in it for the comedic aspects and if you’re drunk.

Rating: 4/10

That’s 24 reviews done, only 6 more to go. So have you seen Judge Dredd and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Tom Holland is the New Spider-Man and Will be Directed by Jon Watts!

Howdy people of the internet, for the first time in a while I am here to give you some film news and of course its superhero-related! For a while there’s been rumoured and certain amounts of information surrounding the casting of the new Spider-Man film and the new director, but nothing official had been released… Until now! The following information comes from superherohype:

Sony Pictures and Marvel Studios have announced that, following a lengthy casting process, actor Tom Holland (The Impossible, In the Heart of the Sea) will play Peter Parker/Spider-Man in their next Spider-Man film, which is set to hit theaters on July 28. 2017. In addition, director Jon Watts, director of the upcoming thriller Cop Car, will helm the feature.

Marvel and Sony Pictures, and producers Kevin Feige and Amy Pascal conducted an extensive search for both the actor and the director. The studios and producers were impressed by Holland’s performances in The Impossible, “Wolf Hall,” and the upcoming In the Heart of the Sea, and by a series of complex screen tests. Following Marvel’s tradition of working with the brightest next wave of directors, Watts also went through multiple meetings with Feige, Pascal, and the studio, before winning the job.

“It’s a big day here at Sony. Kevin, Amy and their teams have done an incredible job,” Tom Rothman, Sony Pictures Motion Pictures Group Chairman, said. “The Marvel process is very thorough, and that’s why their results are so outstanding. I’m confident Spider-Man will be no exception. I’ve worked with a number of up-and-coming directors who have gone on to be superstars and believe that Jon is just such an outstanding talent. For Spidey himself, we saw many terrific young actors, but Tom’s screen tests were special. All in all, we are off to a roaring start.”

“As with James Gunn, Joss Whedon, and the Russo brothers, we love finding new and exciting voices to bring these characters to life,” Kevin Feige added “We spent a lot of time with Jon and find his take and work inspiring.”

Amy Pascal added, “Sony, Marvel, Kevin and I all knew that for Peter Parker, we had to find a vibrant, talented young actor capable of embodying one of the most well-known characters in the world. With Tom, we’ve found the perfect actor to bring Spider-Man’s story into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.”

So we finally have our new Spider-Man and director, once again, FINALLY! No more rumours, no more speculation, just concrete official announcement online and it’s a nice feeling. With that being said I’m going to give my thoughts on the actor and then the director.

So Tom Holland, while he doesn’t necessarily look like someone I would cast as Peter Parker, that’s all subjective. What Holland does have going for him is that he’s young, talented and has been showing off some acrobatic skills recently too, so there’s that. But in all honesty I like this choice of casting, Holland seems like he has the right kind of body frame and face for a teenage Peter Parker so the school stuff will be believable, also going off of that video, hopefully Holland will be doing his own practical stunts like Andrew Garfield did in The Amazing Spider-Man. I have only seen him in The Impossible he was really good in that film, so that gives me confidence in his skills, looking at his filmography, it seems like he’ll be popping up in a few films and I’m looking forward to what he’ll bring to In the Heart of the Sea.

As for the director Jon Watts, he’s another element altogether. With Marvel’s previous director choices I’ve at least known them by name or seen/heard of their films like the Russo Brothers with Community, James Gunn with Super, Joss Whedon with Buffy and Serenity, Shane Black with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, etc. And with Sony the same rule applies, I knew about Sam Raimi because of The Evil Dead and Marc Webb because of 500 Days of Summer. But this Watts guy is completely off the radar, he’s done some TV work and has directed a few short films and one feature but he’s really an unknown at this point. Marvel Studios and Sony must have a lot of confidence in him to take on this project. Now I’m not saying that films have to have established directors onboard to take on huge projects, but it does make you curious to know what an unknown talent can bring to the table that a bigger name could not. Either way I say good luck to him, I hope he’s the man for the job.

So what do you think of this news? Are you excited or disgusted about the new actor playing Spidey and are you down with the director or not? Please leave your comments below and I’ll see ya on the next film review, laters! 😀

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Flash Gordon

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #23 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Today talking about Flash Gordon.

This is one of those films I’ve heard so much about over the years but just never got around to watching. The only piece of Flash Gordon media I’ve ever been invested in was the 1996 animated series, it was fun to watch and had a pretty kick ass intro song that I’ve never truly forgotten. Anyway, I’ve always been curious about watching the 1980 film especially after watching Ted in 2012 and hearing about the new film that’s currently in the works. So today I decided to give it a try.

The story can be summed up as the following:

“A football player and his friends travel to the planet Mongo and find themselves fighting the tyranny of Ming the Merciless to save Earth.”

The story is pretty strange but also good. Put simply this is a classic tale of good versus evil, but more than that it is about average people being thrown into a situation larger than themselves and using their courage and skills to stay alive and save the lives of many from a maniacal individual. There is a lot of like about this film from its funny one-liners and light-hearted tone to its adventurous nature and action-packed sequences. Plus the film is very absurd, but seems self-aware of that, a lot of things take place just like a classic superhero/comic book adventure, but also feels like the film serials and TV shows of old. This film is not perfect though, there are a lot of random and downright weird things that take place which make you wonder why those decisions are made, I was also surprised with how sexual this film felt with some of the characters, clothing and dialogue as well. The light-hearted and cheesy nature of this film also means that a lot of the film isn’t very realistic or relatable and will lead you question the logic of what’s happening throughout the film.

Now let’s talk about the cast. Firstly there’s Sam J. Jones as Flash Gordon, Flash is quite a straightforward character, he’s not too smart, but he’s courageous and heroic, and Jones plays this character with just the right about of charisma, charm, cheesniess and seriousness. Melody Anderson as Dale Arden is also good too. Dale is sweet and gentle, but also knows how to be tricky and kick some ass, while Anderson acts like a bit of a helpless and lovesick individual, she’s very beautiful and engaging in the role. Max von Sydow as Emperor Ming the Merciless is great, this guy is just evil but he’s classy, cruel and loves it when he gets his way, but is quick to anger when he doesn’t. Sydow is totally enjoying himself in this role and it isn’t one you can take seriously. The same can also be said for Chaim Topol as Dr. Hans Zarkov, this man from the beginning seems like a crackpot, but he’s also quite smart and humorous too.

And then there’s Ornella Muti as Princess Aura… Damn! Muti is one gorgeous piece of woman in this film, Aura is one crazy seductress, using her hotness to persuade men to do their bidding, but beyond that she is quite smart, cunning and affectionate. The issue with this girl is that you can’t trust her or get attached to her because she acts like a bit of a slag, but I guess that’s part of her personality. Once again Muti is super hot in this role and it is impossible to not be attracted to her. Timothy Dalton was also good as Prince Barin, while Brian Blessed was totally awesome as Prince Vultan, Blessed is loud, charismatic and very memorable in this role and he stands out in most of the scenes he’s in. I also loved Peter Wyngarde as General Klytus, while you couldn’t see Wyngarde’s face, it was his voice that made me like him so much. Klytus was so strict and aggressive, he reminded me a lot of Alan Rickman. Oh and finally Mariangela Melato was fun as General Kala, she was quite over-the-top but entertaining in the role.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is alright. I love the costume designs as they are over-the-top, but very creative, colourful and distinctive. The art design for the worlds and interiors is pretty interesting and the special effects are okay, I really like waht they did with the sky and wormhole in space as it looked quite crazy and psychedelic, but considering that this was after Star Wars had come out, this film doesn’t look as good by comparison. As for the soundtrack, the awesomeness that is Queen handled that department while Howard Blake crafted the orchestrated. This soundtrack is very 80’s and it sounds awesome, but the main reason this soundtrack is so memorable is because of “Flash’s Theme“, long before I hand ever seen this film, this song was pretty much embedded in my mind since childhood and til this day it is one of the coolest and most manly songs in the history of life and it’s just the best thing ver in this film. I also have to note that parts of the film score sounded like it belonged on a Sega Mega Drive/Genesis with the low-pitched electronic twang that was part of the old console’s trademark sound.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? I haven’t read the comic strips or seen the old film serials this film was based on so I can’t comment on this department.

So to conclude Flash Gordon is one of the most bizarre films I have ever seen and yet is so cool! The film definitely is an acquired taste and some probably won’t be able to take in the cheesy, strange and unrealistic nature of the film, but for those who have yet to see it, give it a try.

Rating: 7/10

That’s 23 reviews done, only 7 more to go. So have you seen Flash Gordon and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!

 

Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2: Captain America (1990)

Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #22 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. Now in recent times we’ve all seen Captain America: The First Avenger and Winter Soldier, and are probably all hyped for Civil War next year right? However what a lot of y’all probably don’t know is that there was an old film that preceded the MCU version a few decades back, I am of course talking about Captain America (1990).

Okay so this isn’t film Captain America film as there were two TV films that preceded it, but since this is a little more popular for being truly bad I decided to pick this one to review. I’ve seen clips online and in trailers and man, I was afraid and horrified at what I saw and wasn’t sure if I’d be able to handle it all, but for you lot, I’ll walk through fire… In the world of film of course haha.

The story can be summed up as the following:

“Steve Rogers becomes Captain America during World War II to battle the Red Skull, then being frozen in ice for many years, he is subsequently being revived to save the President of the United States from a crime family that dislikes his environmentalist policies.”

This film, I mean wow. To quote the Angry Video Game Nerd, “What in the unholy name of ass is this fuckness?” The story is an insult to the comic books but also as a piece of film in general. I’ve never seen too many good direct-to-video films and this is one of those films that demonstrate why that is. Trying to craft a superhero story of this magnitude into a film that really doesn’t have the budget or talent to pull it off is just a bad idea. Straight from the beginning around 6 minutes into the film it had already done goofed by changing the origins of the source material heavily, but even if I’m looking at this film objectively it does a lot without giving context as to why it’s happening. This whole film felt like a made-for-TV production with dialogue, cheesy moments, implied/off-screen violence and lack of in-your-face charisma that comes with regular superhero adventures. Also for a film that’s called Captain America, there doesn’t feel like there’s that much of a focus on him, I mean sure for the film I understand why he couldn’t be the center of attention, but if you’re gonna be like Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior and use the character to serve the narrative rather than make them the focus then you have to do better than what we got in this film, here it was just lazy and inconsistent. The film also moves super quick not allowing you to take in the story or enjoy certain character moments, not that you’d want to know much about this film as it heartbreaking generic, plain and has no redeeming factors at all. Oh actually scratch that, there are certain moments where the ridiculous nature of the film can be pretty funny. After a while I gave up on the story as the lack of common sense and political stuff was turning my mind to mush.

Now let’s talk about the cast.  have to that they vary from being mildly entertaining to being totally tragic and painful to watch. Firstly there’s Matt Salinger as Steve Rogers/Captain America, Salinger does what he can with the role but he’s not very good. This character is not very likeable, in fact he’s a bit of douche to the people that try to help him, he also doesn’t have any sense of charisma or much personality at all. Scott Paulin is a little better as Tadzio de Santis/Red Skull but not by much. This character is a cliché villain but doesn’t have any of the panache, intelligence of badassery of a good bad guy, plus Paulin really hams up the role to the point where you can’t take him seriously at all. And then there’s Kim Gillingham as Bernice Stewart and Sharon. Gillingham wasn’t that interesting as Bernice, but did a better job as Sharon because she was a little livelier. Ronny Cox as President Tom Kimball was alright but really cheesy and Ned Beatty as Sam Kolawetz was fine, together Cox and Beatty had the most believable relationship in the whole film. And lastly Francesca Neri is beautiful but also forgettable as Valentina de Santis.

Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is okay but nothing fantastic. I will say that the lack of violence was jarring considering what happens in this film, also who shot the action scenes? I want to know because they were lame! There was no decent fight choreography, no style or flair to the chase sequences, gun fights or hand-to-hand combat. The framing and editing of certain sequences was awful and who thought it’d be smart to film a fight scene in a dimly lit basement? You could barely see anything! Oh and who did the make-up for Red Skull? That was a terrible job, his red-faces look was awful and his second look made him look like a botched version of Azazel from X-Men: First Class. As for the soundtrack by Barry Goldberg it was terrible. It was so cheesy and unremarkable, and I have to ask whose idea was it to have those knock off versions of popular songs in the film? I distinctly heard two instrumentals that sounded like “Girls on Film” by Duran Duran and “The Way You Make Me Feel” by Michael Jackson and it was so bad.

And lastly how does it compare to the comics? While my knowledge of Captain America comics isn’t at Spider-Man heights, I know the basics. What this film did get right was the concept of Project Rebirth, using a machine to make Steve Rogers stronger, Captain America’s uniform and powers are sort of done justice and Red Skull initially looks like the comics. Oh and Berni’s daughter’s name is Sharon so I guess that’s a reference to Sharon Carter? But as for everything is, they done fucked it up. For some reason Red Skull and his daughter are of italian heritage and not German, Dr. Abraham Erskine is replaced Dr. Maria Vaselli and  Bernice Stewart is his main love interest instead of Pegg Carter. And there’s all the stuff that’s missing or not mentioned like:

• Where’s Bucky?
• What happened to Hydra?
• No Nick Fury and/or Howling Commandos?
• No one mentions the levels of super strength that Red Skull and Captain America have
• No one mentions the strength or attributes of Cap’s shield and whether isn’t made of Vibranium or not

So to conclude Captain America is a tragedy of a film. As a regular film its boring, ridiculous and unintentionally funny, but as an adaptation of the source material it is so much worse. It should have been mentioned that it was “very loosely based on the comics” because besides some of the basic elements, the filmmakers just shat on everything else. I would never recommend this to anyone, but if you’re curious to know what happened before Marvel Studios gave us the proper Captain America, check it out… While you’re drunk!

Rating: 2/10 (only gets points because it made me laugh)

That’s 22 reviews done, only 8 more to go. So have you seen Captain America and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo! Come back tomorrow and I’ll have a new film review online, until then peace out!