Howdy people of the north, south, east and west, and welcome to Day #30 of Month of Superhero Film Reviews 2! During this month I’ll be reviewing of some of the best, average and worst comic book adapted films. So, on the final day of this epic blog series I have saved the best for last, today I am of going to talk about one of the most disgusting films in the history of superhero films, one that everyone has tried to forget for years and is just tragic piece of film in general… Yeah, it’s Catwoman.
Oh this film, yuck. I have never had the misfortune of seeing this film up until now because I was smart enough to stay away. I’d seen clips on TV, saw the trailers in the cinema way back when and watched the Nostalgia Critic’s review pretty much cementing my need to stay away. But with this blog series, I knew I would have to go the dark places to find some bad films and this is one of the most popular. I do wonder if it’ll be worst than Spawn or X-Men Origins: Wolverine because those are pretty much my most hated comic book films. People wish me luck! 😛
The story can be summed up as the following:
“A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.”
The story is horrible. It’s like the filmmakers wanted to keep some of the original Catwoman elements but create something new, but I feel like the ran with the new ideas too far and created something so far-fetched that the end result is beyond what anyone was expecting. This film is weird, confusing and because of its random nature the level of realism is lost because there feels like there’s no rules. The whole ‘cat’ aspect was taken way too far; from the intro credits to the history lesson from Ophelia to Patience’s character habits in general, it was too literal and quite painful to watch. The whole story felt like a joke, a sick, twisted and awkward joke, and while there was some humour to be found it was because I was laughing at the film and not with it.
Now let’s talk about the cast. Firstly there’s Halle Berry as Patience Phillips/Catwoman. Man, where do I begin? On the one hand there’s Patience, a person who would give Clark Kent a run for his money as the most clumsy, boring and insignificant person in existence, this girl’s life made me want to cry because of how frail and innocent she was. But then there’s Catwoman, damn, this girl is crazy, she’s sassy, aggressive, full of puns, cat-like tendencies and feels the need to be sexy all the time, which doesn’t always work considering some of the dialogue she’s spouting out. Berry is so cheesy, weird and embarrassingly bad in this role that is almost impossible to watch. Whether it is terrible dialogue, battle poses, her overly sexual walk or those strange cat tendancies, it makes me cringe. And I don’t think I could continue without mentioning her costume, the Catwoman costume; it’s impractical, ridiculous and leaves nothing to the imagination, but I have to say that Berry looks good in it. But seriously, that is no superhero/anti-hero costume, that’s a dominatrix outfit for sure.
Benjamin Bratt as Detective Tom Lone was alright, he was charming and fun at times, but other times his character was so dumb and silly that I couldn’t like him that much and his character only seemed to be in the film to be a love interest for Patience. Sharon Stone as Laurel Hedare was pretty bad, at first she’s not too bad, but the over-acting comes in later on and it is so hard to take Stone seriously with some of her dialogue. Lambert Wilson as George Hedare, wow, if you want the definition of a typical, cliché and cartoonish bad guy for the audience to hate, look no further. George is a douche and has no redeeming qualities and so when you see him giving our main character grief you’re just waiting for her to get take him out. Frances Conroy as Ophelia Powers was really hard to take seriously because of how strange her character came across and finally Alex Borstein as Sally was quite fun, sure she was pretty annoying at times but for the most part I found her funny.
Now let’s talk about the presentation. Visually the film is terrible. One of the things that jumped out at me immediately was the overuse of CGI, it is used for most of the scene transitions when moving around the cityscape, would it have cost the filmmakers that much just to film these locations in real life? It would have made the film look a less like a video game. Also the CGI used for Catwoman during her “Spider-Man” moments was so bad, it was blurry and unpolished and some of those actions would have been much better if there was a stunt person doing all the work instead or if these crazy superpowers weren’t included in the first place! Oh and I have to mention the action scenes, they aren’t good. The choreography goes from being lazy to completely random and stupid, there’s no sense of realism, logic or awesomeness involved. The two moments that stand out to me as especially bad was the introduction of the Catwoman outfit (the attention to ass and breasts was clearly appealing to the male audience) and the horrible basketball scene, oh man, that was an endurance. As for the soundtrack by Klaus Badelt, it frigging sucks. I don’t know this guy was thinking when he put this film score together but it is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. The score is full of sassy and highly sensual music elevated by women singing in the background and it is incredibly cheesy, off-putting and awkward. I feel like the soundtrack was crafted with the fact that Patience was black and the music was a representation of her darker/sexier side, but it doesn’t work, its hella lame, frustrating and cringeworthy. This for me was easily the worst part of the film.
And lastly how does it compare to the comics? My Catwoman knowledge is kind of sketchy but even I can tell that this is not the character I remember from the comics. Besides bearing the name Catwoman, having her whip and love for shiny jewelry, everything else is brand new and doesn’t have any proper connection to the Batman mythos.
So to conclude Catwoman is just bad. I understand a need to create something that is new and different for audiences who have been acquainted with the character for so long, but this is not the way to do it. With a bizarre story, bad acting and incredibly awkward tone and setting, this is one of those films you sit and reflect on just to try and comprehend what you just saw. It is not the worst film I’ve ever seen in the superhero genre, but it is not one that should ever be watched unless you like the game of torture.
And with that reviews done, that’s all 30 reviews done and dusted! GAME OVER SON! 😀 So have you been unfortunate enough to have seen the atrocity that is Catwoman and if so what are your thoughts on it? Drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts yo!
I just want to say thank you to everyone all commented and liked the posts in this series, it was a lot of work and I can say it was pretty difficult to stay consistent, but hell I got through it. I would like to personally thank Sidekick Reviews and Tim the Film Guy for their contributions, you guys rock! Well now it’s time to get back to the regular content, until then peace out!