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September’s Here & Summer’s Over.

Hey, hey, hey ladies and gents of the internet. Time for a quick blog post before I go back into work mode and today I wish to talk about the fact that the summer is over and how September has crept up on us so quickly.

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This seems to happen a lot and every year still surprises me how quickly it happens. Summer is there, you’re in the thick of it, either enjoying yourself or you’re bored out of your mind for days on end. Whatever your scenario is, the summer feels long while you’re in it. But you never notice the days go by and sure enough, it is the last week or August and you’re like “Where the shag did the summer go?” And before you even have time to blink it is September and all those happy thoughts you had about your free time, holidays or hang sessions with your friends and family are pretty much dashed aside as the normality of life kicks in once again. For kids, teenagers or young adults, it pretty much means back to school, college or university, however, if you’re not in the education bubble, then it means nothing besides going to work, and if you’re old enough then you’ll probably have been doing that over the summer and way before that if you’re in full-time or part-time work. For me, I used to be in the education bubble and for the last 8 years since I always had the feeling of dread/excitement when I knew I had to return to college or uni, but now I don’t have that. Since I finished uni in June, I’ve technically become an adult and have been working over the summer. It is only just dawning on me that I have nothing to go back to in September, that my life really has nothing major to return to and it is a relief and yet kind of surreal at the same time. The only thing I never look forward to at this time of the year is the return of annoyingly load school children, uni Freshers and the football season as well (god I despise it, it takes up too much TV time at my house).

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I dunno, September always represented the end of good times and the start of boring and dull routines (as the image above suggests), that being said, since I have no educational ties, I wonder where does life go for me now? I mean besides being a barman, I have no other regular commitments to tend to and it feels weird. That being said, there is much to look forward to on the horizon. TV is finally gonna get interesting again with the return of some of my favourite TV shows including, Castle, Boardwalk Empire, Parks and Recreation, Arrow and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and then there’s all the new TV that will appear including Gotham and The Flash among others. Then I’ll have the Tokyo Game Show coverage taking place in a few weeks where hopefully I’ll get some juicy video game announcements and footage too.

So yeah, while I’m gutted that the summer is over I know there is good stuff on the horizon. Now I only have one question to ask you lot:

Dude blog # 1Be sure to comment below and let me know yo. 😀

 
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Posted by on September 2, 2014 in Life

 

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Chasing your dreams even when you lack courage

Howdy ladies and gents, time for another personal blog post and this one centers around my aspirations in life and how I’ve fallen off track and gotten a little confused on my road towards greatness.

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That’s what I’ve been doing since my childhood and its the only thing that makes my future worth living for. Sounds bad, but its true.

Well it is no secret that I’ve been feeling incredibly off of my game in the world of art for a very long time now and it has seriously affected not only my mood but my university work and this bothers me greatly. But to fully understand the issue we’re gonna have to go back in time.

Let’s look back at 1997, I was seven years old and had decided I wanted to be a cartoonist or at least create cartoon shows that I wanted everyone around the world to see and become stupidly famous. Back then in junior school from then until I was eleven, you would have meant this overly energetic little monster of a boy who dreamed big and was full of confidence. He drew because he loved it, but he also loved the attention. Back then especially at age nine through to eleven I felt invincible. I drew pictures nearly all the time, people loved and respected me for my work and since I was the only one doing it I felt indestructible. I was one of a kind and I loved the power… However that eventually changed once I got to secondary school.

Art from 2002, at 12 years old I’d really gotten into Spider-Man thanks to the first Sam Raimi film.

Once I started doing art after I went into secondary school I found that there were other people with the same talent as me, doing the same drawing stuff and that’s when I felt for the first time kind of intimidated because I wasn’t the special guy any more. Unfortunately it only got worse when I did GCSE art where I found that there was not only several artists in my year, but also artists that were a hell of a lot better than me and more versatile being able to use paint, water colours, oil pastels, chalk, graphite, etc. I felt so small. But the biggest blow was when my art teacher told me in year 10 that I should stop drawing cartoons and start doing other styles of art. Now while I understood what she was trying to say, at the same time she was telling me to give up the art that made a sketcher in the first place. I felt offended and personally said to myself “Fuck that!”

Sonic and Shadow, age 14.

And so I continued to hone my skills in spite of all the other brilliant people around me and from school through to college I excelled and became a much better sketcher but also got better at using other mediums too. It was at this point I knew I wanted to be an animator and craft animated films and TV shows. So when I came to university I was ready to learn, adapt and become awesome, but what uni did again was make me feel even smaller than I ever could have imagined. Here all the students were ABSURDLY well-versed in art, cartooning, 3D modelling and all that other stuff and seeing their work just made me want to cry. I’ve never been good at handling competition that was within close proximity to me, but because of how good it was in comparison to my own work and then seeing the kind of material the industry demands, I just felt like shit.

One of the last few pieces of good work I did almost 4 years ago, I never draw anything this elaborate any more.

So now we arrive at present day. I’m in my final year of uni and I fear I may fail the year, why? Because I don’t believe I have the skills necessary to pass. I have a lot of self-doubt going on in my world these days and lack inspiration a lot too. This has seriously affected my work ethic when doing my last two modules.

You could argue that it’s the wrong frame of mind to be in and you hand to pick yourself up and do your best and things will work out. But getting out of a hole of doubting yourself is not easily. I’ve been this way for a long time now without even noticing it until recently. I don’t even know how I ended up like this, I honestly used to believe I was the shit, the best guy ever at what I did and I thought with my mind, that I would create so many things that would change the world. And to a degree I believe that I could still change the world with the madness that resides within my head, it is just a question of materializing the ideas in my head.

In the end I know what I have to do, I just don’t know how. I’m not sure if it the people in my class that’s putting me off or whether it is the pressure of university grades or if it’s just me. Either way I’m tired to fighting myself. I know what I want in life and I will fight for it with all I have. I think I just need a little help and then I’ll recover.

Thanks for reading yo.

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2014 in Life

 

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Make a bond with me and it’ll last forever

Ah yes, now we’re back on that topic of friendship again. What can I say, this subject means a lot to me. Now I’ve made a few blog posts about what friendship before including Friendship is a beautiful thing, one that meant a lot to me when I wrote it. But today I’m going to talk a little more about me and how great a friendship could be with someone like me.

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Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Now I’m not saying that I’m like the best guy ever, however if we come across each other and we make a connection and create a bond it will be for the long-term. I like to help people and make them feel jolly, that’s the kind of person I am. I honestly believe in being a nice guy and making connections with people along your travels in life. It all starts in school and obviously continues later in life in college, university, jobs and just in life in general, and I never pass up an opportunity to find potential friends to add to my collection.

I’m really passionate about making long-term bonds with people that will hopefully last a lifetime. Why? Because I’ve seen in my days on this planet that friendship is like a special bond with people that can’t be broken and its beautiful when something like that can stand the test of time even if you live apart or don’t see each other for substantial amounts of time too.

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True that!

Now I’m only 22 (going on 23 in just under 2 weeks), but I’ve already made special bonds with some of my good friends that’s lasted 5, 10 and almost 20 years! And to me that’s just extreme happiness. In my gap year before uni I realized that what makes me really happy besides doing things for myself is doing stuff for others. Helping and giving to others has always made me feel good, and it took me until the age of 21 to figure it out. That’s why I’ve always put other people’s problems and issues before my own and helped them out in any way that I could. I’ve been doing it since school, and most people loved me for it. I have put myself out there for people in many ways, from being a shoulder to cry on to talk to about relationship advice to sharing intimate secrets. I’ve even ran out of my house just to meet my peeps if they needed me. I’m that hardcore!

However there have been many that have taken advantage of my good will, but luckily I grew a backbone and told those punks to get lost in my later teen years. So now I’m in uni and my journey to make new bonds and friendships haven’t ended yet! I’ve found four guys who I love more so than most of my mates and I’ve only known them for just over a year and a half, but it feels like it’s been at least 3 or 4 years now.

There they are along with me in the middle! XD

These guys I hope that I’ll know for at least 10 years or more. And there’s my 2 best comrades in the universe, known as Alon and Chris. They’ve been my friends since September 2007 when we did media together in college. Our bond is the most amazing thing that I;ve felt in years and I can only hope we can go 5 more years to complete a decade of friendship. Here’s a picture below:

New Years 2011. That was one of our most special moments in time!

Well to conclude I just wanted to share with you a little about me and how I feel about friendship. So if I ever meet you and we vibe together then we may end up forming a bond for a while too. I love people and I love to make friends so if anyone wants a reliable, trustworthy and honest friend that’ll be there for them in a heartbeat then I’m your guy! 🙂

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2013 in Life

 

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Rant 07: Failure; it sucks doesn’t it?

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Howdy people and welcome to another installment in my blogging rants and today’s subject will be on the concept of failure and how it continues to follow me in my life no matter what I do.

Now I’d like to think I’m an optimist, I’m normally fairly jolly and go through life with a grin on my face and I’d like to think I try my hardest in any endeavour I undertake. However for as long as I remember I’ve always found myself in a position of failure in life especially on the education front of things.

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Education, one area of my life that has been plagued with failure since my days in school.

Now I’m not stupid by any means, however I’m not absurdly smart either. In school I always needed extra help trying to understand certain things and if you broke the information down for me into its most basic elements then I’d be able to work. But a lot of my teachers never bothered with me because they got tired of trying to teach me because I didn’t learn as fast as everyone else. I’d ask for help but since I found it hard to express myself when I was younger teachers never really understood me and would get frustrated with me. And because of those teachers and their lack of help my grades suffered. I never really got great GCSEs in school and that was my first great failure and while I said to myself that I’d take what I got given and move on, I never really got over my GCSE results. And its affected my life since. So then college came into play and on my new art course I said I’d make a good effort with it… However failure wasn’t too far away. Unfortunately I ran into the same issues I had when I did GCSE art in school, and while I tried my hardest and did better than I did in school I still got a pretty bad grade overall.

Luckily my media courses weren’t nearly as cruel to me. Though some of the projects on my national diploma course was full of pain and suffering. There were points where I wasn’t doing as well as everyone else and I would get really annoyed at myself. So then came last year came around I started animation at uni in Sheffield and I thought I’d be in my element thanks to it being something I really wanted to do. But fate dealt me a really cruel hand. In one of my modules I had to do work in 2D and 3D animation and photography and trying to understand the work in lessons was a tad complicated and again some of the tutors would get frustrated when you asked for help. So I did what I could with the module, but in the end I messed and never got the work in on the deadline and failed the module, which in turn means that this year in addiction to doing all my Year 2 work I have repeat my previous Year 1 module. And again I feel so pissed off that out of my entire class I’d be the person to fail that one module. It really is bullshit. And in the last year in Sheffield there’s been one other issue that’s been bugging me for some time; getting a job. Goodness knows I’ve tried looking for one and while I have had a few interviews here and there, no one’s employed me. While obtaining a job isn’t the easiest thing to do for a student, somehow people I know seem to be able to do it with next to no effort and it really makes me wonder if I’m just doing something wrong or something or whether the concept of failure is just following me in the area of job hunting too.

So after all this you may ask if you’ve got so many issues why don’t you just do something about it and sort it out? Well believe me, I’ve tried. I work harder than the year before and yet things still seem to fall apart. Some say that I am being too hard on myself and maybe that’s true, but the thing is I’ve always expected so much of myself so when I fail at anything it hurts me on mental level a lot. I’m a guy who always likes to strive for success and when it doesn’t come I get frustrated and sad at myself. University hasn’t helped my pride much and has left me in a questionable state of mind. I just hope this year I’ll be able to turn everything around and finally get my shit on track not only with university but with my life in general.

Thanks for reading.

 

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2012 in Life, Rant

 

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Most Things Happen For a Reason

It has been something I have thought about for quite some time now, but only in more recent times in my life has it become more and more obvious. The whole concept of “actions have consequences” or believing in fate, regardless of what you call it, in my life it seems like that stuff actually applies a great deal. While most may call it a series of highly coincidental occurrences I say that sometimes some of that stuff actually happened for a reason and in a lot of cases my life has been better for it. Like how in the world of education I never got the grades I wanted after school so I had to take additional courses in college to get the qualifications necessary to get to Level 3 and while it was a pain to see my mates from school advancing I can’t regret my movements in college. I met so many lovely people who became my friends, I learnt so many additional skills that lent themselves to my later courses and in the 4 years I spent at college I got so many more opportunities than I would have if I had gotten super high marks in school, so in a way I’m sort of glad of my failure in a way haha. And that also applies to university as well. I had applied for uni in 2010, but then bailed before making my full application through UCAS at the end of that year, so throughout the academic year of 2011 I took a year out and did volunteering. And those days were some of the best times of my life, gaining more skills, getting work experience, networking and so on and so forth. Even when I applied to Westminster and didn’t get in there but was accepted at Sheffield Hallam University I was thinking maybe things would be alright. After all that I knew that this was all part of the bigger picture. So then I went into uni in September and since I have made some incredible new friends, I like my new course and living the university life is an incredible experience.

But sometimes the things that happen in life may not be as big, in fact it could just be the little things like meeting up with friends or certain people in those random locations are the things I find really special. So many times I have been late to a place or chose to take another direction to go to a certain place only to find an old friend or a mate who I haven’t seen in months or years and it feels so good to hang and talk. Back at Christmas I met up with an old friend who I hadn’t seen for 2 years and I was just mentioning him in a conversation with another friend when he just appeared out of nowhere. On that day I know that fate had a plan. Or take this more recent occasion when I was getting off the train I happened to spot my friend’s girlfriend and him on the other side train and we got to catch up again. Now this guy is in the army and it’s normally around 6 months before he comes back to visit, so after I saw him in December I thought there wasn’t gonna be a chance for me to meet him for ages, but there he was on the train with his girlfriend. And to think if I’d gotten the train I originally set myself for an hour earlier then that wouldn’t have happened. Again it had to be fate calling and it felt so good. While most of these occurrences have just been by chance or a strange twist of fate, they really have made me happier or made my life better in some way shape or form.

Sometimes however one has to endure times of great pain and struggle and suffer some of those days where you wish you hadn’t gotten up in the morning. Those are the days that frustrate you, depress you, hurt you, possibly make move you to tears or leave you in an emotional state for some time to come and that’s when you start to question whether things were meant to play out like the way in which they do. God knows I have done that on plenty of occasions. In my life I have suffered with my education from school right up until now in university, also for some reason I can’t seem to keep sustainable friendships with my older friends as they continuously drift out of my life through no fault of my own or take for instance that I used to be completely obsessed with drawing and making things within the area of art and cartoons, but these days I barely do any of that stuff and I’m lucky if I find the time or the effort to draw something truly meaningful. So one does wonder is this the life I should truly be living? Is there something better? Do I have to sit through all this shit before the good stuff comes around?

So right now I am thinking that maybe there is a reason why everything in my life has played out the way it has, I’ve always been a man who has liked to roll the dice of life and see where it takes me and for the most part every move has been a good one. Though I have rolled and lost many times, but as with most things in life not everything is gonna be happy-go-lucky all the time and you gotta go through a lot of shit before you make it through the other side. Though there are some who don’t have that problem, some make it though life without any problems or worries, I call those people rich people. But forget them, fate is a thing that I believe to some degree, though it is highly questionable with the way in which certain things go down in the world. Some may say that fate doesn’t existence and we ourselves make our own luck/fates and while I agree with that totally, I can’t help but feel that there is a greater force making sure I land in the places that I do.

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2012 in Life

 

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