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Emotions, they can be so troublesome

Howdy people, time for another personal chapter in my life to be told. Now the last time I did something like this I was kind of aggressive and it got me in trouble before, so today I’m gonna be a little more careful how I choose my words.

Anyways today I’m here just to talk about emotions and how they’ve recently gotten me all messed up for nothing.

EmotionsEmotions, as much as I like them, sometimes they can be really questionable.

Now let’s just talk about emotions, they are the characteristics that make use human and allow us to express ourselves in any way shape or form whether its via physical or verbal means. It is a necessary aspect of our lives and to be honest I dunno how we’d get through this world without them. That being said, emotions, they’re powerful things and it can lead to some explosive results depending on which one’s are used.

For those not in the know I’m a fairly emotional person. Now that doesn’t mean I cry at everything that’s sad or get pissed off about everything, though there are occasions where if I’m feeling some form of happiness or depression I can feel those emotions in full effect.

Recently my emotions have messed up on two recent occasions.

First one is a bit of a doozy. Basically around 2 weeks back when I made two blog posts related to work entitled My First Official Day At Work and Letting The Angry Man Out Of The Cage, in these posts I talked about my first few days starting my job as a kitchen porter and talking about my detest for one of the staff members who was really pissing me off. Let’s just say my words got a fair bit aggressive, and eventually someone from work found it, ratted me out to the manager and that got me dismissed from my job almost 2 weeks ago. Upon reflection I should have just kept the anger inside, but my past has experiences with aggression has always required me to vent the rage out somehow because if it stays locked inside then it’d mess me up mentally. But obviously because of my foolish decision to blog about it completely unaware of the ramifications that would befall me, I am now jobless again. It feels like working there was a short dream that I’ve woken up from because it was so short. But hey that’s what happens when you get angry, I thought I was done with my aggression but I think I still have some issues to iron out.

Angry-Customer

Anger, its been getting me in trouble since I was a kid, thought I had a lid on it recently but I guess not.

The second occasion was a little less aggressive and a lot more recent, last night in fact. I had gone out with my mates for a night of clubbing and for the most part I was have a good session… Until I saw her. As I was dancing I saw a mate of mine in the crowd and let’s just say I was kind of involved with her and I went through a bit a dramatic episode with back in the summer. While I didn’t sleep with her, I would consider her to be part of an important chapter of my life. Since she’d gone for the summer I never expected to see her at my normal clubbing spot. All those previous emotions came flooding back and messed with my head! I proper felt like a girl in one of those American TV shows that sees one of their ex-boyfriends and starts to get all flustered and asking why are they there and making things feel awkward. I was probably overreacting, but it was the fact that she’d come back and hadn’t said a word to me which bugged me. There was several points when our eyes locked and it felt like she looked right through me, even when we were right next to each other. Bugged me so much and it didn’t help because I’d been drinking in addition to all those emotions floating around in my head. 😦

love_sick_by_lissie_kunI think after all this time I’m still lovesick.

In the end I’m starting to think that my emotions are doing me no favours. All they do is bring out sides of me or highlight thinks I don’t actually like about myself. Hoping I get a hold of myself before I fall into a hole that I can’t get out of.

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2013 in Life

 

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The Life of a Hopeles Romantic

Now this is a subject that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time; the concept of being a romantic kind of person but not being able to show it because some people just aren’t interested or you just don’t meet the right kind of person to share your affections for.

https://hypersonic55.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/hopelessromantic.png?w=300

Now I’ve talked about the subject of showing your appreciation for someone and being able to give your love to other people. And funnily enough it’s funny how many of my friends feel the same way that I do. Me and one of my good mates Henry had an extensive conversation about this back in November and it was the most in-depth and beautiful conversation I’ve ever had with someone in the earlier hours of the morning. We discussed the concept of being people who had a lot of love to give and just not finding the right kind of person or finding someone you like but not having them return your feelings. We’re very similar and it made me feel a little better to know that I’m not the other one looking for relationships at my age and having a bit of trouble with it.

For me I haven’t been in a relationship with any lady since 2008 and while I don’t think a relationship is quintessential to life, I just think that around about this point in my life it’d be nice. You see after that last relationship I figured I’d never need a girlfriend again and back then I was pretty content with my life with my friends and family, nights out, video games, films and anime. However in 2010 things changed and a lot of my priorities had shifted and a lot of my hobbies weren’t as fulfilling as they were before. It felt like there was a hole in my world that needed to be filled. I had also seen a lot my friends were in relationships, I saw how happy it had made them so I somehow came to the conclusion that maybe a girlfriend would fill that hole in my life. And what followed afterwards is two key occasions in 2010 and 2011/12 where I pursued a relationship and failed painfully.

In the latter part of 2010 I met a girl on an art course I felt a sense of magic in the air, she was honestly the cutest and prettiest girl I’d seen in college and I instantly wanted to know who she was. So over a few months I got to know her, we became mates and I seriously felt like she was the one girl I had to get with. Unfortunately one of my other mates told her about the way I felt for her and we had this extensive conversation which ended up in her not returning my affections. This left me pretty gutted and I again gave up on chasing women and the concept of love again. But then came another occasion in my first year of uni in November 2011 and this is a true case of infatuation. While in Sheffield I’d met one lady on a night out and we clicked, we then met up for coffee and drinks at the pub. This felt way more real than what happen in college, she lady was the definition of beautiful, she was cute and pretty at the same time and the fact that we were so cool in each other’s company made me think there was a chance. Again thought fate had other plans for me, I eventually asked her out and she told me the two dreaded things a guy never wants to hear: 1) I have a boyfriend and 2) I like you as a friend.

That second one I have heard so many times for years and it makes me wonder how comes I keep striking out so often. And what really bugs me is that some of these girls whether they be my friends or otherwise tell me that I’m good boyfriend material or that they’d be with me if they weren’t currently in a relationship. So if that’s the case what’s the deal? Haha. Most of my mates who I consult about this kind of thing normally say that you can’t rush love and relationships; you just have to wait for it to come to you and all that stuff. But I’ve heard it hundreds of times before and I am definitely not the patient type, I say if you want something in life you better go get it.

So here we are in 2013 where I am still looking for someone to love but am looking in all the wrong places. The thing is again it is imperative that I have a relationship with a lady, it’s just that I have a lot of love to give and I’d love to share it with someone special you know?

https://i1.wp.com/fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/038/e/4/hopeless_romantic_by_bya_bya-d392eii.jpg

I dunno if there are any women these days that still appreciate this kind approach of love and relationships especially with my generation of people being all about the sex and having kids before they’re the right age. Well I guess I’ll just take my mate’s advice and just play the waiting game and wait for love to come my way that is if it ever does.

Well there’s you have a pretty intimate look the current state of my love life lol, dunno why I felt like telling the world about it but hell it just felt right. I guess I’ll see ya on the next blog post peeps! 🙂

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2013 in Life

 

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