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Chasing your dreams even when you lack courage

Howdy ladies and gents, time for another personal blog post and this one centers around my aspirations in life and how I’ve fallen off track and gotten a little confused on my road towards greatness.

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That’s what I’ve been doing since my childhood and its the only thing that makes my future worth living for. Sounds bad, but its true.

Well it is no secret that I’ve been feeling incredibly off of my game in the world of art for a very long time now and it has seriously affected not only my mood but my university work and this bothers me greatly. But to fully understand the issue we’re gonna have to go back in time.

Let’s look back at 1997, I was seven years old and had decided I wanted to be a cartoonist or at least create cartoon shows that I wanted everyone around the world to see and become stupidly famous. Back then in junior school from then until I was eleven, you would have meant this overly energetic little monster of a boy who dreamed big and was full of confidence. He drew because he loved it, but he also loved the attention. Back then especially at age nine through to eleven I felt invincible. I drew pictures nearly all the time, people loved and respected me for my work and since I was the only one doing it I felt indestructible. I was one of a kind and I loved the power… However that eventually changed once I got to secondary school.

Art from 2002, at 12 years old I’d really gotten into Spider-Man thanks to the first Sam Raimi film.

Once I started doing art after I went into secondary school I found that there were other people with the same talent as me, doing the same drawing stuff and that’s when I felt for the first time kind of intimidated because I wasn’t the special guy any more. Unfortunately it only got worse when I did GCSE art where I found that there was not only several artists in my year, but also artists that were a hell of a lot better than me and more versatile being able to use paint, water colours, oil pastels, chalk, graphite, etc. I felt so small. But the biggest blow was when my art teacher told me in year 10 that I should stop drawing cartoons and start doing other styles of art. Now while I understood what she was trying to say, at the same time she was telling me to give up the art that made a sketcher in the first place. I felt offended and personally said to myself “Fuck that!”

Sonic and Shadow, age 14.

And so I continued to hone my skills in spite of all the other brilliant people around me and from school through to college I excelled and became a much better sketcher but also got better at using other mediums too. It was at this point I knew I wanted to be an animator and craft animated films and TV shows. So when I came to university I was ready to learn, adapt and become awesome, but what uni did again was make me feel even smaller than I ever could have imagined. Here all the students were ABSURDLY well-versed in art, cartooning, 3D modelling and all that other stuff and seeing their work just made me want to cry. I’ve never been good at handling competition that was within close proximity to me, but because of how good it was in comparison to my own work and then seeing the kind of material the industry demands, I just felt like shit.

One of the last few pieces of good work I did almost 4 years ago, I never draw anything this elaborate any more.

So now we arrive at present day. I’m in my final year of uni and I fear I may fail the year, why? Because I don’t believe I have the skills necessary to pass. I have a lot of self-doubt going on in my world these days and lack inspiration a lot too. This has seriously affected my work ethic when doing my last two modules.

You could argue that it’s the wrong frame of mind to be in and you hand to pick yourself up and do your best and things will work out. But getting out of a hole of doubting yourself is not easily. I’ve been this way for a long time now without even noticing it until recently. I don’t even know how I ended up like this, I honestly used to believe I was the shit, the best guy ever at what I did and I thought with my mind, that I would create so many things that would change the world. And to a degree I believe that I could still change the world with the madness that resides within my head, it is just a question of materializing the ideas in my head.

In the end I know what I have to do, I just don’t know how. I’m not sure if it the people in my class that’s putting me off or whether it is the pressure of university grades or if it’s just me. Either way I’m tired to fighting myself. I know what I want in life and I will fight for it with all I have. I think I just need a little help and then I’ll recover.

Thanks for reading yo.

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2014 in Life

 

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Make a bond with me and it’ll last forever

Ah yes, now we’re back on that topic of friendship again. What can I say, this subject means a lot to me. Now I’ve made a few blog posts about what friendship before including Friendship is a beautiful thing, one that meant a lot to me when I wrote it. But today I’m going to talk a little more about me and how great a friendship could be with someone like me.

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Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Now I’m not saying that I’m like the best guy ever, however if we come across each other and we make a connection and create a bond it will be for the long-term. I like to help people and make them feel jolly, that’s the kind of person I am. I honestly believe in being a nice guy and making connections with people along your travels in life. It all starts in school and obviously continues later in life in college, university, jobs and just in life in general, and I never pass up an opportunity to find potential friends to add to my collection.

I’m really passionate about making long-term bonds with people that will hopefully last a lifetime. Why? Because I’ve seen in my days on this planet that friendship is like a special bond with people that can’t be broken and its beautiful when something like that can stand the test of time even if you live apart or don’t see each other for substantial amounts of time too.

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True that!

Now I’m only 22 (going on 23 in just under 2 weeks), but I’ve already made special bonds with some of my good friends that’s lasted 5, 10 and almost 20 years! And to me that’s just extreme happiness. In my gap year before uni I realized that what makes me really happy besides doing things for myself is doing stuff for others. Helping and giving to others has always made me feel good, and it took me until the age of 21 to figure it out. That’s why I’ve always put other people’s problems and issues before my own and helped them out in any way that I could. I’ve been doing it since school, and most people loved me for it. I have put myself out there for people in many ways, from being a shoulder to cry on to talk to about relationship advice to sharing intimate secrets. I’ve even ran out of my house just to meet my peeps if they needed me. I’m that hardcore!

However there have been many that have taken advantage of my good will, but luckily I grew a backbone and told those punks to get lost in my later teen years. So now I’m in uni and my journey to make new bonds and friendships haven’t ended yet! I’ve found four guys who I love more so than most of my mates and I’ve only known them for just over a year and a half, but it feels like it’s been at least 3 or 4 years now.

There they are along with me in the middle! XD

These guys I hope that I’ll know for at least 10 years or more. And there’s my 2 best comrades in the universe, known as Alon and Chris. They’ve been my friends since September 2007 when we did media together in college. Our bond is the most amazing thing that I;ve felt in years and I can only hope we can go 5 more years to complete a decade of friendship. Here’s a picture below:

New Years 2011. That was one of our most special moments in time!

Well to conclude I just wanted to share with you a little about me and how I feel about friendship. So if I ever meet you and we vibe together then we may end up forming a bond for a while too. I love people and I love to make friends so if anyone wants a reliable, trustworthy and honest friend that’ll be there for them in a heartbeat then I’m your guy! 🙂

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2013 in Life

 

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The Life of a Hopeles Romantic

Now this is a subject that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time; the concept of being a romantic kind of person but not being able to show it because some people just aren’t interested or you just don’t meet the right kind of person to share your affections for.

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Now I’ve talked about the subject of showing your appreciation for someone and being able to give your love to other people. And funnily enough it’s funny how many of my friends feel the same way that I do. Me and one of my good mates Henry had an extensive conversation about this back in November and it was the most in-depth and beautiful conversation I’ve ever had with someone in the earlier hours of the morning. We discussed the concept of being people who had a lot of love to give and just not finding the right kind of person or finding someone you like but not having them return your feelings. We’re very similar and it made me feel a little better to know that I’m not the other one looking for relationships at my age and having a bit of trouble with it.

For me I haven’t been in a relationship with any lady since 2008 and while I don’t think a relationship is quintessential to life, I just think that around about this point in my life it’d be nice. You see after that last relationship I figured I’d never need a girlfriend again and back then I was pretty content with my life with my friends and family, nights out, video games, films and anime. However in 2010 things changed and a lot of my priorities had shifted and a lot of my hobbies weren’t as fulfilling as they were before. It felt like there was a hole in my world that needed to be filled. I had also seen a lot my friends were in relationships, I saw how happy it had made them so I somehow came to the conclusion that maybe a girlfriend would fill that hole in my life. And what followed afterwards is two key occasions in 2010 and 2011/12 where I pursued a relationship and failed painfully.

In the latter part of 2010 I met a girl on an art course I felt a sense of magic in the air, she was honestly the cutest and prettiest girl I’d seen in college and I instantly wanted to know who she was. So over a few months I got to know her, we became mates and I seriously felt like she was the one girl I had to get with. Unfortunately one of my other mates told her about the way I felt for her and we had this extensive conversation which ended up in her not returning my affections. This left me pretty gutted and I again gave up on chasing women and the concept of love again. But then came another occasion in my first year of uni in November 2011 and this is a true case of infatuation. While in Sheffield I’d met one lady on a night out and we clicked, we then met up for coffee and drinks at the pub. This felt way more real than what happen in college, she lady was the definition of beautiful, she was cute and pretty at the same time and the fact that we were so cool in each other’s company made me think there was a chance. Again thought fate had other plans for me, I eventually asked her out and she told me the two dreaded things a guy never wants to hear: 1) I have a boyfriend and 2) I like you as a friend.

That second one I have heard so many times for years and it makes me wonder how comes I keep striking out so often. And what really bugs me is that some of these girls whether they be my friends or otherwise tell me that I’m good boyfriend material or that they’d be with me if they weren’t currently in a relationship. So if that’s the case what’s the deal? Haha. Most of my mates who I consult about this kind of thing normally say that you can’t rush love and relationships; you just have to wait for it to come to you and all that stuff. But I’ve heard it hundreds of times before and I am definitely not the patient type, I say if you want something in life you better go get it.

So here we are in 2013 where I am still looking for someone to love but am looking in all the wrong places. The thing is again it is imperative that I have a relationship with a lady, it’s just that I have a lot of love to give and I’d love to share it with someone special you know?

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I dunno if there are any women these days that still appreciate this kind approach of love and relationships especially with my generation of people being all about the sex and having kids before they’re the right age. Well I guess I’ll just take my mate’s advice and just play the waiting game and wait for love to come my way that is if it ever does.

Well there’s you have a pretty intimate look the current state of my love life lol, dunno why I felt like telling the world about it but hell it just felt right. I guess I’ll see ya on the next blog post peeps! 🙂

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2013 in Life

 

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The Day I Turned My Back On My Educational Morals

Ah life, it is funny isn’t it? You never know what’ll come next, you just gotta ride it out and see where it takes you. One of the strange things about it is how you subtly change without really noticing it, and for me that is definitely something I’ve began to notice over the last year, especially when it comes to education.

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Hmm sometimes I do wonder about that…

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying education is not important, far from it. If you were to ask me if I was for or against it I’d totally be for it, however in the latter years of college I found myself wondering if I what I was learning was relevant to me and what I wanted in life. But college was college, I just wanted to get through it so I could move on to new heights at university… However this is where the real bullshit kicked in. While I love Sheffield and its many various places to shop, party and just generally hang out, I can’t say the same for my university experience. Since coming to Sheffield Hallam in 2011 my course has made me question why go to uni in the first place, I mean sure I am paying for it and it SHOULD be enjoying the course I picked right? WRONG! My animation course for all its bells and whistles is only around 30% actually animation-based stuff, everything else is just some other form of bullsh*t that has nothing to do with the subject matter and it sucks!

Now in most cases I feel a commitment to show up to class all the time, I have done for years and until uni came into play my attendance record in school and college was flawless. In uni when second year started in September my attitude towards class changed and for the first time I started skipping classes. They weren’t important classes so it wasn’t that bad, but the fact was that I missed them and it felt weird. However today was the real day that I turned my back on class and just said, “F*ck it.I’m off.”

Today I had a workshop class and it at 09:15 (I hate early morning starts!), so I got up and ran to uni. I had to drop off a camera I borrowed a few days beforehand so I went there and handed it in. Then I had to find my class but there was one problem I wasn’t sure where specifically it was. So I ran around uni trying to find it but to no avail, so then I used a PC to have a look at where we were meant to be and I found out it was at another building… At that point I was like “I’m already late, forget this I’m going home.” And that was it. That was the point where my education mindset changed.

Now I easily could have run to the building and come in late, but my tutor said to be there on time and I’m one of those guys that works in two ways: 1) You show up on time or 2) Don’t show up at all. That is a code I’ve always lived by and it applies here too. The whole weird thing about this situation thing about this situation is that I’ve never just no to education, sure in college I used to moan about it a lot but then I’d move on and get on with it. But now in uni I find myself more and more not caring about what I am learning. Only around have of it is relevant to me and my favourite module so far was an elective module on script writing WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANIMATION!

I dunno this is truly a time of great change if I, the man who never misses anything is starting to change is morals that he so desperately held on to in school and college. Well I won’t be ditching class forever, that much I now right now, though I will be counting the days, just waiting for this educational crazy adventure to end.

 
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Posted by on February 6, 2013 in Life

 

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Rant 08: Money, Money, Money!

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Howdy people and welcome to another installment in my blogging rants and today’s subject will be on money and how I never have enough to keep myself afloat in the sea of life.

To be honest after I was old enough to handle my own money I almost instantly fell into an awkward area flux with my money that I can no longer escape. I’ve never been financially stable and if I have then its been for a very limited amount of time. Everything costs money, it controls your life. You can only be in decent position with money when you have it constantly coming in, however if you’re like me then money is scarce and when you don’t have it things in life do come to a standstill.

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Money, it always seems to escape me.

After my parents stopped giving me pocket-money I started getting my money from EMA when I was in college. In college when I had money I was the happiest man in world because I got to feed my addiction to gaming. To be honest I was probably wasting my money, but the thing is what else would I spend my money on? Normally if you have the money to buy what you want then why not do it? Gaming though my years in college was the only thing that kept me sane. But it was after I turned 18 that money really became an issue in my world. It was at this time I started going on nights out with my friends partying and drinking alcohol and obviously that costs. While I never went out all the time, I went out enough for it to impact my wallet. So at this point I attempted to get a job, but unfortunately no one would take me on (I think it was because of my back GCSE results).

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That was me from the age of 17 onwards…

So after I turned 19 ALG became my new form of income and it was around this time the recession was in full swing so the price of things was very fluctuated. I had my subscription to Cineworld to pay and had to rely completely on ALG to save me, but obviously there were days when it didn’t come through so I suffered without my time in the cinema. Also when I didn’t have money I could buy games or DVDs, and it didn’t help when the bank started crippling me when I supposedly went over my money limit. Those were dark days. But it was around that time that I realised money actually controls my life, it puts food in my tummy, pays for my games and DVDs and allows me to get into the cinema every month. And unfortunately things only got worse after I came to uni last year.

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That’s what life feels like at times.

When you come to uni you really discover the price of living. You have to pay the rent for your accommodation, pay for the food you eat, pay for your nights out and the alcohol you consume and that’s on top of everything else that you like to do or like to have which also requires money. Now I can hear people saying, “Then why don’t you stop complaining and get a job?” Well to that I say it’s not that easy, it never has been for a guy in my position. After school I couldn’t get a job because of my poor GSCEs, then when college came around the recession kicked in and made it even harder to get a job and in recent years its been made apparent that you can’t get a job without having previous experience. How the fuck am I supposed to get a job if I require prior experience that I clearly don’t have? So that’s why my money situation has been so pants, unlike all of my other friends I have never had a consistent part-time or full-time job. While being up here in Sheffield my situation with money has been terrible to the point of being technically poor. At one point I couldn’t go on nights out or buy food or pay for my accommodation. The power of money broke me. And it hurt. Luckily I did get some agency work over the summer and got some money to save me at certain points, but as always it wasn’t enough. The money wasn’t consistent enough. I needed a part-time job. But I have multiple interviews and no luck.

Right now I am currently save, but that will probably last me only around another 2 weeks. The real reason I want a job is so I never have to worry about having a shortage of money and being able to eat. I basically eat a lot, that’s what a lot of my money goes towards and if I had the funds then I wouldn’t have to worry about my finances. I will continue to look for a job in hope that a miracle happens and actually become part of the working-class people. In the end my journey with is a struggle and it continues to control and corrupt the lives me and many other students who aren’t in the best of situations. I have a love/hate relationship with money, though I hate it now because I don’t have it.

Thanks for reading peeps. If you would like to read more of my rants and check out my other content then follow my blog yo. 😀

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2012 in Life, Rant

 

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Rant 07: Failure; it sucks doesn’t it?

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Howdy people and welcome to another installment in my blogging rants and today’s subject will be on the concept of failure and how it continues to follow me in my life no matter what I do.

Now I’d like to think I’m an optimist, I’m normally fairly jolly and go through life with a grin on my face and I’d like to think I try my hardest in any endeavour I undertake. However for as long as I remember I’ve always found myself in a position of failure in life especially on the education front of things.

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Education, one area of my life that has been plagued with failure since my days in school.

Now I’m not stupid by any means, however I’m not absurdly smart either. In school I always needed extra help trying to understand certain things and if you broke the information down for me into its most basic elements then I’d be able to work. But a lot of my teachers never bothered with me because they got tired of trying to teach me because I didn’t learn as fast as everyone else. I’d ask for help but since I found it hard to express myself when I was younger teachers never really understood me and would get frustrated with me. And because of those teachers and their lack of help my grades suffered. I never really got great GCSEs in school and that was my first great failure and while I said to myself that I’d take what I got given and move on, I never really got over my GCSE results. And its affected my life since. So then college came into play and on my new art course I said I’d make a good effort with it… However failure wasn’t too far away. Unfortunately I ran into the same issues I had when I did GCSE art in school, and while I tried my hardest and did better than I did in school I still got a pretty bad grade overall.

Luckily my media courses weren’t nearly as cruel to me. Though some of the projects on my national diploma course was full of pain and suffering. There were points where I wasn’t doing as well as everyone else and I would get really annoyed at myself. So then came last year came around I started animation at uni in Sheffield and I thought I’d be in my element thanks to it being something I really wanted to do. But fate dealt me a really cruel hand. In one of my modules I had to do work in 2D and 3D animation and photography and trying to understand the work in lessons was a tad complicated and again some of the tutors would get frustrated when you asked for help. So I did what I could with the module, but in the end I messed and never got the work in on the deadline and failed the module, which in turn means that this year in addiction to doing all my Year 2 work I have repeat my previous Year 1 module. And again I feel so pissed off that out of my entire class I’d be the person to fail that one module. It really is bullshit. And in the last year in Sheffield there’s been one other issue that’s been bugging me for some time; getting a job. Goodness knows I’ve tried looking for one and while I have had a few interviews here and there, no one’s employed me. While obtaining a job isn’t the easiest thing to do for a student, somehow people I know seem to be able to do it with next to no effort and it really makes me wonder if I’m just doing something wrong or something or whether the concept of failure is just following me in the area of job hunting too.

So after all this you may ask if you’ve got so many issues why don’t you just do something about it and sort it out? Well believe me, I’ve tried. I work harder than the year before and yet things still seem to fall apart. Some say that I am being too hard on myself and maybe that’s true, but the thing is I’ve always expected so much of myself so when I fail at anything it hurts me on mental level a lot. I’m a guy who always likes to strive for success and when it doesn’t come I get frustrated and sad at myself. University hasn’t helped my pride much and has left me in a questionable state of mind. I just hope this year I’ll be able to turn everything around and finally get my shit on track not only with university but with my life in general.

Thanks for reading.

 

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2012 in Life, Rant

 

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Seeing the Bigger Picture

Howdy ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another blog post. It seems to me in life we go through episodes of different emotions or situations, some are joyous, some are sad, some can test you on physical and mental level and some can change your whole perspective on life and make you look at things much differently. The last one I consider to be life lessons.

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Life; it is an experience and along the way you do pick up a few things that do become lessons of knowledge for future reference.

Life lessons are those little tips you pick up along your journey through the world. Sometimes they can be little things or they can big and have to be done all the time. The circumstances of how you learn these lessons can vary, some life can be very difficult to learn and for me in the last few years I have found that life lessons are always the hardest to learn.

In my life even though it’s only been 22 years (and I can only really remember about 18 of them) I can honestly say that I learnt many things that have changed my perspective on life and made me think about things in different ways. There’s many life lessons that I know of and try to abide by to keep my life in check; from trying to stay positive to making sure I get the most out of life or trying to avoid deceptive people acting as if they were my friends or making sure that one bad day doesn’t get me down. I have many lessons that I have obtained especially in my teenage years that have helped me in the long run. I think the most important life lessons are the ones you have to learn through complicated situations. For me its been about the importance of time and resources and how one should never waste them and use them effectively.

Since my days school I have always been a bit of a time-waster and always liked to live in the moment, it also didn’t help that I had a short attention span and didn’t really care much for my lessons unless they were subjects I enjoyed. Unfortunately I learnt the hard way what my actions would do my GCSE results when I left school. After that point I said I’d take education a little seriously and get my act together, and while I was a little more diligent about my work, the 4 years I spent in college were very turbulent due to my bad time management skills and again a lack of care for my work. But again because of those harsh realisations I have become a much quicker and efficient kind of guy when it comes to work… That being said, I did relapse again in university on my animation course.

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I love free time and use it whenever I can!

When it comes to free time I really do abuse it. I love to sleep, play video games and just be lazy in general with no commitments to anything.

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I can completely relate to this meme cause I am thinking this a lot myself lol.

So when days off come in the form of holidays like Christmas, Easter or Summer, I am the first to say goodbye to work and hello to that freedom. Unfortunately that attitude defeated me earlier this year when I missed a submission date in January. So then I got re-submission date stating that if I handed in my work by today, August 9th, then I would be safe. But wouldn’t you know that I was lazy over the course of the summer and hadn’t got the work done until a few days before the deadline. I have come to realise in the last 3 years that I am a man who likes to work under pressure, I actually thrive on it and it makes me work harder than ever. Though the issue is that it still costs me time, sometimes stresses me out and working so close to the deadline means that there is always a chance for failure. Luckily today I got the work in on time, I just hope it’ll be enough to let me pass the module.

When I left the uni building I started to think of how many times where I have been in this same situation before. Its dangerous, especially when you’re not too sure how to do the work in the first place and there’s no one around to help you out. I realised that I treated uni like college, a place where I just do stuff to pass the day away without properly paying attention to details. I did the same thing with college and school before that. But I have noticed that university, while similar to college is completely different. Whether you succeed or fail is down to you. And since I’d rather not fail I am gonna have to sort my priorities, the second year of actually counts towards your final grade so there is no room for error and I’d rather not fuck around this time.

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All of this is very true and maybe it’s about time I started paying attention to it!

Here’s hoping that my second year of uni won’t be nearly as turbulent or emotional as this year has. 🙂

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Life

 

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Most Things Happen For a Reason

It has been something I have thought about for quite some time now, but only in more recent times in my life has it become more and more obvious. The whole concept of “actions have consequences” or believing in fate, regardless of what you call it, in my life it seems like that stuff actually applies a great deal. While most may call it a series of highly coincidental occurrences I say that sometimes some of that stuff actually happened for a reason and in a lot of cases my life has been better for it. Like how in the world of education I never got the grades I wanted after school so I had to take additional courses in college to get the qualifications necessary to get to Level 3 and while it was a pain to see my mates from school advancing I can’t regret my movements in college. I met so many lovely people who became my friends, I learnt so many additional skills that lent themselves to my later courses and in the 4 years I spent at college I got so many more opportunities than I would have if I had gotten super high marks in school, so in a way I’m sort of glad of my failure in a way haha. And that also applies to university as well. I had applied for uni in 2010, but then bailed before making my full application through UCAS at the end of that year, so throughout the academic year of 2011 I took a year out and did volunteering. And those days were some of the best times of my life, gaining more skills, getting work experience, networking and so on and so forth. Even when I applied to Westminster and didn’t get in there but was accepted at Sheffield Hallam University I was thinking maybe things would be alright. After all that I knew that this was all part of the bigger picture. So then I went into uni in September and since I have made some incredible new friends, I like my new course and living the university life is an incredible experience.

But sometimes the things that happen in life may not be as big, in fact it could just be the little things like meeting up with friends or certain people in those random locations are the things I find really special. So many times I have been late to a place or chose to take another direction to go to a certain place only to find an old friend or a mate who I haven’t seen in months or years and it feels so good to hang and talk. Back at Christmas I met up with an old friend who I hadn’t seen for 2 years and I was just mentioning him in a conversation with another friend when he just appeared out of nowhere. On that day I know that fate had a plan. Or take this more recent occasion when I was getting off the train I happened to spot my friend’s girlfriend and him on the other side train and we got to catch up again. Now this guy is in the army and it’s normally around 6 months before he comes back to visit, so after I saw him in December I thought there wasn’t gonna be a chance for me to meet him for ages, but there he was on the train with his girlfriend. And to think if I’d gotten the train I originally set myself for an hour earlier then that wouldn’t have happened. Again it had to be fate calling and it felt so good. While most of these occurrences have just been by chance or a strange twist of fate, they really have made me happier or made my life better in some way shape or form.

Sometimes however one has to endure times of great pain and struggle and suffer some of those days where you wish you hadn’t gotten up in the morning. Those are the days that frustrate you, depress you, hurt you, possibly make move you to tears or leave you in an emotional state for some time to come and that’s when you start to question whether things were meant to play out like the way in which they do. God knows I have done that on plenty of occasions. In my life I have suffered with my education from school right up until now in university, also for some reason I can’t seem to keep sustainable friendships with my older friends as they continuously drift out of my life through no fault of my own or take for instance that I used to be completely obsessed with drawing and making things within the area of art and cartoons, but these days I barely do any of that stuff and I’m lucky if I find the time or the effort to draw something truly meaningful. So one does wonder is this the life I should truly be living? Is there something better? Do I have to sit through all this shit before the good stuff comes around?

So right now I am thinking that maybe there is a reason why everything in my life has played out the way it has, I’ve always been a man who has liked to roll the dice of life and see where it takes me and for the most part every move has been a good one. Though I have rolled and lost many times, but as with most things in life not everything is gonna be happy-go-lucky all the time and you gotta go through a lot of shit before you make it through the other side. Though there are some who don’t have that problem, some make it though life without any problems or worries, I call those people rich people. But forget them, fate is a thing that I believe to some degree, though it is highly questionable with the way in which certain things go down in the world. Some may say that fate doesn’t existence and we ourselves make our own luck/fates and while I agree with that totally, I can’t help but feel that there is a greater force making sure I land in the places that I do.

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2012 in Life

 

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I want more out of life

Last night before I went to bed I said to myself “I want more out of life.” In a way that’s what I’ve always wanted for myself in the final years of college leading up to university and so on but the more I dwell on it, the more I actually feel those words as a statement have more meaning and that I’ve actually always wanted something like it.

Its strange, for a while now in the back of my head ever since I was a teenager I’ve always felt like things in my life could so be much more than it was. I’ve always considered my life to be something of a mystery, like something I am constantly trying to figure out and I while I like the normality of it all, I think that I’ve hoped that it would expand further, that I could become more and I would live a much more fulfilling life. That’s not to say that I don’t like my life, heck I’d be lying if I said that. I’ve had some incredible experiences with my family and friends in many different places. I guess I’m just greedy. But it’s true, I think this feeling really has been lurking around in the back of my mind since I feel in love with superheroes in comic books back in my childhood.

Even though I knew that these characters were purely fictional and obviously none of the stuff that applied in their lives would apply to me I think it was just the fascination with their lifestyles, adventures and charismatic personalities that made me believe that somewhere down the line that I would be able to create a life for myself where I could have a fancy life similar theirs, something that felt amazing, beyond the basic status quo. I think one of the those feelings I had of a greater fulfilling lifestyle came when I went to Canada a few years ago and it felt incredible, after only a few days of being down there I felt like it was a place of opportunity and new beginnings. Even though I had only gone to Canada twice once in 2006 and once again in 2007 I could imagine starting my life down there in a few years after I had done away with college. And to be honest I still think that I can obtain that kind of thing, obviously not the superhero life (even though that would be frigging sweet.), I mean to have a life beyond the norm, to have something special, fantastic, inspirational, maybe even magical.

Maybe I’m just talking crazy, maybe I don’t know what I am talking about, but I honestly feel that my heart and soul is telling me that I can have more and I yearn for it, I don’t how I’ll get it or when or whether it’ll even happen but I guess we’ll see what the future says and live in hope. 🙂

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2012 in Life

 

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My Memories of little Noodle

This just a little tribute to a friend of mine…

This here is my little written story about a girl I know, I forget her name so let’s just call her Noodle for now (like the female member of the Gorillaz). I remember when I met her like it was yesterday. Back when I used to work at my old college, in the month of February while on visit to a museum I was hanging around with some of my student friends and one of them introduced me Noodle and from that moment I knew there was something special about her. There seemed to be a mysterious aura coming from her that made me very interested in her. I was careful to make a good first impression on her so when I drew a picture of my friend and Noodle when I was bored and she approved, I thought things may just work out. Little did I know that after that day I made a special friend who I honestly couldn’t live without.

As time went by through my friends I got to know her and found out how much we had in common, from music interests to our love for Pokémon and other video games and more interestingly she was a video editor and her skills were awesome so I indirectly did a bit of networking and found a new partner for future projects. I also learnt about her fab personality, she’s a very laid back, happy-go-lucky and cool person to hang around and very cute too, there was no negatives to her at all. As we moved from the spring to the summer our friendship seemed to expand and get ever stronger and we even talked serious topics and things in each other’s lives and I’m sure our bond became stronger because of it. It was funny how we found ourselves hanging in college time, when she was bored or needed a classroom to hang in she’d just swing by and do whatever, she really was the best kind of person to hang with whenever I was bored or lonely.

So with the summer in full swing we eventually got to hang outside of college and learn more about each other and go to the cinema and play video games, you know all that good stuff that friends get to do. And I can honestly say that it was the most fun I’d had for a good few summers. It was just beautiful to know I had a new friend who was right up the road from my house who I could hang with. Unfortunately university came calling and it made me very sad to leave her back in my home town to chase after my dream in the world of education. Though some things are unavoidable.

But one could ask why am I talking about all of these memories with this one person? Well I am talking about her because I think she is amazing, Noodle is an incredible person and the world needs to know about her. Noodle is every bit a cute and cuddly as teddy bear, her personality is wonderful, full of colour and so many times her little tendencies make me say “Awwwwww!” She makes me laugh and she is very pretty too. I can honestly say that she one of the best people I have ever met in live, when I’m not around her I miss her like hell and when I meet her I get stupidly happy because that’s the kind of person she is, she brings happiness to people. I can honestly say that I’ve fallen for her and I’d gladly do it all over again because she’s the best. After all this talk about her I’ve just remembered her name, it is Louise, though I prefer to call her Noodle at this point in time. If you ever get to meet Noodle giver a high-five or hug her or just say hi, you won’t regret it, I know I haven’t.

Everyone needs a Noodle in their lives and I’m glad to have mine, I love her to bits. I wonder if she’ll ever read this, to be honest I think she knows about all of this stuff I’ve wrote about her already, but I thought I’d do it again just to serve as a reminder.

Wherever you are Noodle this goes out to you!! 😀

Thanks for reading people 🙂

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2011 in Life

 

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