It’s weird, at this time of year I’m normally very happy, besides the Expo and my birthday, Christmas time is when I am at my jolliest and yet in 2011 I feel next to nothing. It’s not like I’m emotionless, but let me put it into this context; I used to love this time of year, it was always about the merry songs, togetherness with family and friends, getting fat over the amounts of food that you would consume and watching specific television shows, oh and getting some presents too 🙂 Though I can’t say I’m an overly materialistic kind of person because I don’t mind what I get for Christmas, heck I don’t mind if I get next to nothing because in the end my general love for this time of year would normally cancel everything else out. As said before I was just in it for the love of the season. But now I’m not bothered, besides seeing family and having time away from uni Christmas this year has been pretty ordinary. I’m sort of happy about it but at the same time I’m not overly fussed.
Christmas should be a jolly time for all, but not for me this year.
Now I can probably see several people coming at me saying “Scrooge! Scrooge!” But you would be wrong on many levels, I have had fun this time around, just like every year but there has been some degree of normality floating around which I haven’t been able to shake. And I think I realise today what the deal is with me. It’s that feeling you get when you realise something is missing. You know that one element that holds everything together which you normally have but don’t at that present moment. And today on Boxing Day I realise what is missing from my world that has made this Christmas so regular and not so special… It’s the magic. That’s right magic, normally at this time of year around early/mid-December there is a feeling in the air that fills your soul with happiness, this is what people interpret as the magic of the Christmas season. While a lot people claim that Christmas has lost its meaning in commercialism and all that jazz. I have never forgotten what Christmas is about. At this time of year we remember the birth of Christ (Jesus Christ for those not aware) and other than that it’s all about being with your family and loved ones and enjoying their company.
But ever since December started I couldn’t get into the groove of things. I mean I knew that Christmas was coming but I never felt anything towards it, it’s like I said to myself “I should be excited but right now I’m not bothered.” So I thought maybe that’s just random feeling. Maybe that’ll pass in time, however the days edged ever closer and my feelings did not change. Though I did get fairly jolly with me flatmates at uni when they busted out some Christmas songs and we would dance around the flat. I thought that would be enough, but even then it wasn’t. So then I thought “If anything will get me in the mood for Christmas it’ll be “Dubstep Santa” by the Daveyboys. That always works.” And so I went on YouTube and watched all 3 Dubstep Santa videos and it was lovely, I was in my element and it was creating this joyful feeling in my soul, so I thought with this maybe the magic will follow. However right up until the week when uni ended back on the 16th I still didn’t feel anything special or magical. Things were still average.
To be honest this is how I felt for the majority of the Christmas season.
So then I figured okay if go back home to familiar territory then in the last week leading up to Christmas everything will be fine, but then the travel back home happened… Ugh. The less said about that the better, I even wrote a blog on it if you wish to see my post about my suffering here: https://hypersonic55.wordpress.com/2011/12/18/my-terrible-episode-with-train-transportation/
So then after I got home I tried to get into that Christmas groove. But the feeling wasn’t coming, the magic wasn’t kicking in. I also didn’t get my normal Christmas stuff done like watching my favourite Christmas films or television specials on TV, DVD or VHS, my schedule was messed up. So over the last week I had been reacquainting myself with my family and meeting up with many friends, some of which I hadn’t seen for months, others I had seen for years. It was beautiful. I even obtained a PS3 after how many years of waiting and I even got back to the cinema for the first time in 3 months! I was having the time of my life. I even went out on Christmas Eve with my friends and even met up with several old mates while I was out, it was a great night and to be honest it was the closest feeling I got to that Christmas magic because I was having fun in the company of friends. 🙂
So then while I was out Christmas Day came and I was in a lovely groove, so with a good feeling in my soul I left my friends in town and headed home around 1am. My sister and I set up the PS3 and played Mortal Kombat 9 for a few hours while opening my presents. So after our little playing session we went to bed. Then we got up a good few hours later, opened the rest of our presents and then headed out London to hang at my Gran’s house which was the main aspect of Christmas that usually rules over everything else. And from there we had loads of food, did a lot of catching up and played card games for ages, none of which I actually won haha. However even after all of the television, food, family fun and games I wasn’t having the time of my life as I usually am, this was just an ordinary time. 😦 I think it also didn’t help that the rest of my cousins, aunts and uncles weren’t there too. In the end this Christmas was fun, I had gotten some fabulous presents and spent some great time with my family. But in the end it was nowhere near as fun or as amazing as the last few years. Unfortunately there was no magic and I wasn’t feeling the season in the way that I should be.
Anyway hope that y’all people of the world had a great Christmas and I’ll catch ya later 😀