RSS

Chasing your dreams even when you lack courage

19 Jan

Howdy ladies and gents, time for another personal blog post and this one centers around my aspirations in life and how I’ve fallen off track and gotten a little confused on my road towards greatness.

chasing-the-dream-0

That’s what I’ve been doing since my childhood and its the only thing that makes my future worth living for. Sounds bad, but its true.

Well it is no secret that I’ve been feeling incredibly off of my game in the world of art for a very long time now and it has seriously affected not only my mood but my university work and this bothers me greatly. But to fully understand the issue we’re gonna have to go back in time.

Let’s look back at 1997, I was seven years old and had decided I wanted to be a cartoonist or at least create cartoon shows that I wanted everyone around the world to see and become stupidly famous. Back then in junior school from then until I was eleven, you would have meant this overly energetic little monster of a boy who dreamed big and was full of confidence. He drew because he loved it, but he also loved the attention. Back then especially at age nine through to eleven I felt invincible. I drew pictures nearly all the time, people loved and respected me for my work and since I was the only one doing it I felt indestructible. I was one of a kind and I loved the power… However that eventually changed once I got to secondary school.

Art from 2002, at 12 years old I’d really gotten into Spider-Man thanks to the first Sam Raimi film.

Once I started doing art after I went into secondary school I found that there were other people with the same talent as me, doing the same drawing stuff and that’s when I felt for the first time kind of intimidated because I wasn’t the special guy any more. Unfortunately it only got worse when I did GCSE art where I found that there was not only several artists in my year, but also artists that were a hell of a lot better than me and more versatile being able to use paint, water colours, oil pastels, chalk, graphite, etc. I felt so small. But the biggest blow was when my art teacher told me in year 10 that I should stop drawing cartoons and start doing other styles of art. Now while I understood what she was trying to say, at the same time she was telling me to give up the art that made a sketcher in the first place. I felt offended and personally said to myself “Fuck that!”

Sonic and Shadow, age 14.

And so I continued to hone my skills in spite of all the other brilliant people around me and from school through to college I excelled and became a much better sketcher but also got better at using other mediums too. It was at this point I knew I wanted to be an animator and craft animated films and TV shows. So when I came to university I was ready to learn, adapt and become awesome, but what uni did again was make me feel even smaller than I ever could have imagined. Here all the students were ABSURDLY well-versed in art, cartooning, 3D modelling and all that other stuff and seeing their work just made me want to cry. I’ve never been good at handling competition that was within close proximity to me, but because of how good it was in comparison to my own work and then seeing the kind of material the industry demands, I just felt like shit.

One of the last few pieces of good work I did almost 4 years ago, I never draw anything this elaborate any more.

So now we arrive at present day. I’m in my final year of uni and I fear I may fail the year, why? Because I don’t believe I have the skills necessary to pass. I have a lot of self-doubt going on in my world these days and lack inspiration a lot too. This has seriously affected my work ethic when doing my last two modules.

You could argue that it’s the wrong frame of mind to be in and you hand to pick yourself up and do your best and things will work out. But getting out of a hole of doubting yourself is not easily. I’ve been this way for a long time now without even noticing it until recently. I don’t even know how I ended up like this, I honestly used to believe I was the shit, the best guy ever at what I did and I thought with my mind, that I would create so many things that would change the world. And to a degree I believe that I could still change the world with the madness that resides within my head, it is just a question of materializing the ideas in my head.

In the end I know what I have to do, I just don’t know how. I’m not sure if it the people in my class that’s putting me off or whether it is the pressure of university grades or if it’s just me. Either way I’m tired to fighting myself. I know what I want in life and I will fight for it with all I have. I think I just need a little help and then I’ll recover.

Thanks for reading yo.

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 19, 2014 in Life

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Chasing your dreams even when you lack courage

  1. lauren

    January 20, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Uni can mess with your head sometimes. I felt the same when I was at uni (not with art though-I can’t draw nearly as well as you can), having all my peers next to me was a bit intimidating and made me second guess myself. Once you finish Uni you can do things at your own pace away from everyone else. Not much help for now but try and keep drawing cause you seem really talented.

     
    • Hypersonic55

      January 20, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      That’s what I’m hoping will go down after I leave uni in May, I think I’ll just need time away from the place to create on my own. Thanks for commenting, your kind words are much appreciated. 🙂

       

Drop Me A Comment Yo! :D

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: