All I can say is about one of my current situations is this: “You Done Fucked It Up!”
Howdy ladies and gents. So yeah, 2014 is here, I’ve waited for this new year for ages. 2013 had its moments of fun but just like previous years there was drama, drama I wanted to leave behind. So on New Years Eve I was out with my mates, drinking, dancing and waiting to usher in the new year. Then the time came. There was fireworks, smiles and photographs. It was perfect… However, I messed up.
Just after midnight I said something to someone in a text message that I didn’t mean to say. Me and the person in question have a wonderful friendship that’s just had some issues that needed to be ironed out, however my subconscious thoughts became surface thoughts under the influence. This has left me feeling guilty when I read it this afternoon. So then I tell a friend about it and try to explain myself. But I messed up my words, then went and fucked myself over again. So instead of cruising into the year in style, I buckled and almost fell over. Caused problems and the year’s only just begun.
Now I’m not a bad guy, I try to do right by people all the time especially with my friends. But every once in a while I trip up and cause problems unintentionally. And I’ve had my fair share of friendships deteriorate ever time or fall apart pretty quickly. With these two people in question I’d done so much with them, if our friendships fall through because of this little thing, it would be like I messed with some dynamite and accidentally brew up our bridges of friendship to kingdom come. I feel like I’ve created some ripples in the water which will turn into massive waves that will eventually crush me if other people hear about it. And I also feel like there’s no amount of explaining I can do to remedy my situation. I don’t understand how this has happened to me, how this keeps happening to me. Am I some sort of idiot? Some days I wonder. I don’t expect to be forgiven any time soon and if I never do then that’s another life lesson learnt. Well all I can do now is push on and endure. Whatever happens I’ll accept the consequences, I mean no one else can take the blame besides you right?
There’s a quote from Spider-Man 3 that I can’t believe I’m gonna use, but the fact it is represents my life in a very similar manner:
“I’m not a bad person, I just have bad luck.” – by Flint Marko/Sandman
So I will leave you with a quote that I feel is appropriate:
“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” – Jack London
Imma try to remember that this year.
This better not a precursor to the rest of the year. Sorry for starting the new year on a sour note but I just had to write something about this.