Howdy people, time for another personal chapter in my life to be told. Now the last time I did something like this I was kind of aggressive and it got me in trouble before, so today I’m gonna be a little more careful how I choose my words.
Anyways today I’m here just to talk about emotions and how they’ve recently gotten me all messed up for nothing.
Now let’s just talk about emotions, they are the characteristics that make use human and allow us to express ourselves in any way shape or form whether its via physical or verbal means. It is a necessary aspect of our lives and to be honest I dunno how we’d get through this world without them. That being said, emotions, they’re powerful things and it can lead to some explosive results depending on which one’s are used.
For those not in the know I’m a fairly emotional person. Now that doesn’t mean I cry at everything that’s sad or get pissed off about everything, though there are occasions where if I’m feeling some form of happiness or depression I can feel those emotions in full effect.
Recently my emotions have messed up on two recent occasions.
First one is a bit of a doozy. Basically around 2 weeks back when I made two blog posts related to work entitled My First Official Day At Work and Letting The Angry Man Out Of The Cage, in these posts I talked about my first few days starting my job as a kitchen porter and talking about my detest for one of the staff members who was really pissing me off. Let’s just say my words got a fair bit aggressive, and eventually someone from work found it, ratted me out to the manager and that got me dismissed from my job almost 2 weeks ago. Upon reflection I should have just kept the anger inside, but my past has experiences with aggression has always required me to vent the rage out somehow because if it stays locked inside then it’d mess me up mentally. But obviously because of my foolish decision to blog about it completely unaware of the ramifications that would befall me, I am now jobless again. It feels like working there was a short dream that I’ve woken up from because it was so short. But hey that’s what happens when you get angry, I thought I was done with my aggression but I think I still have some issues to iron out.
Anger, its been getting me in trouble since I was a kid, thought I had a lid on it recently but I guess not.
The second occasion was a little less aggressive and a lot more recent, last night in fact. I had gone out with my mates for a night of clubbing and for the most part I was have a good session… Until I saw her. As I was dancing I saw a mate of mine in the crowd and let’s just say I was kind of involved with her and I went through a bit a dramatic episode with back in the summer. While I didn’t sleep with her, I would consider her to be part of an important chapter of my life. Since she’d gone for the summer I never expected to see her at my normal clubbing spot. All those previous emotions came flooding back and messed with my head! I proper felt like a girl in one of those American TV shows that sees one of their ex-boyfriends and starts to get all flustered and asking why are they there and making things feel awkward. I was probably overreacting, but it was the fact that she’d come back and hadn’t said a word to me which bugged me. There was several points when our eyes locked and it felt like she looked right through me, even when we were right next to each other. Bugged me so much and it didn’t help because I’d been drinking in addition to all those emotions floating around in my head. 😦
In the end I’m starting to think that my emotions are doing me no favours. All they do is bring out sides of me or highlight thinks I don’t actually like about myself. Hoping I get a hold of myself before I fall into a hole that I can’t get out of.