Its strange, I’m currently at this point in my life where everything has just come to a halt, like a stalemate, a deadlock. Even though I have many things that I would like to do or tackle in terms of my own side projects outside of university and all that, I just feel at this current point in time that everything has fallen apart, been scrambled and thrown into a tumble dryer. There is a level of indecisiveness that is floating around in my mind that is making feel very irrational and that’s made me think about something that I’m actually considering taking action on; quitting on the education scene.
Straight from the outset that sounds crazy, foolish and a coward’s way out. And under normal circumstances I wouldn’t say such crazy things but after last week things have shifted my mind into unknown territory and for the first time I’m questioning decisions I make and thinking I should undo some of the things that I have done recently. And strangely the majority of my thoughts have been edging towards my education and wondering if it is worth all of this trouble, the logical side of me says yes, but this erratic, indecisive side of me is saying maybe I should bail before things become more complicated or before I decide to continue on and somehow decide somewhere down the line that this isn’t the course of action that I wish to take, that doing that animation course isn’t my calling and that my skills could be applied in another field of work. Right now I’m not in a calm place, nothing is normal, everything is illogical and I’m questioning everything. So I don’t know, maybe I should just sleep on things, find a new hobby, find a creative structure in my life and maybe things will change, maybe I’ll find my way out of this funk and get back into my jolly groove and not think so unnaturally.
It’s funny how this is my first blog post of 2012 and it’s already starting out on a depressing note and subject matter. My first post of 2012 was actually going to be a lot different, though that post is still drafted and has yet to be completed and I still haven’t decided whether I’ll bother finishing it, so we’ll see what happens.