Giving up is bad, but i feel like doing it.

18 Jan

Its strange, I’m currently at this point in my life where everything has just come to a halt, like a stalemate, a deadlock. Even though I have many things that I would like to do or tackle in terms of my own side projects outside of university and all that, I just feel at this current point in time that everything has fallen apart, been scrambled and thrown into a tumble dryer. There is a level of indecisiveness that is floating around in my mind that is making feel very irrational and that’s made me think about something that I’m actually considering taking action on; quitting on the education scene.

Straight from the outset that sounds crazy, foolish and a coward’s way out. And under normal circumstances I wouldn’t say such crazy things but after last week things have shifted my mind into unknown territory and for the first time I’m questioning decisions I make and thinking I should undo some of the things that I have done recently. And strangely the majority of my thoughts have been edging towards my education and wondering if it is worth all of this trouble, the logical side of me says yes, but this erratic, indecisive side of me is saying maybe I should bail before things become more complicated or before I decide to continue on and somehow decide somewhere down the line that this isn’t the course of action that I wish to take, that doing that animation course isn’t my calling and that my skills could be applied in another field of work. Right now I’m not in a calm place, nothing is normal, everything is illogical and I’m questioning everything. So I don’t know, maybe I should just sleep on things, find a new hobby, find a creative structure in my life and maybe things will change, maybe I’ll find my way out of this funk and get back into my jolly groove and not think so unnaturally.

It’s funny how this is my first blog post of 2012 and it’s already starting out on a depressing note and subject matter. My first post of 2012 was actually going to be a lot different, though that post is still drafted and has yet to be completed and I still haven’t decided whether I’ll bother finishing it, so we’ll see what happens.





Posted by on January 18, 2012 in Life


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

6 responses to “Giving up is bad, but i feel like doing it.

  1. Time waits for Touka... not really.

    January 18, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    I understand how you feel, man. Why? Because I feel the same way. It’s not as if my studies have been particularly hard, but like you, there has always been this cloud of indecisiveness around and I’m unsure if I really am on the right path, and it’s even harder to work out because I’ve never been able to imagine my future and I don’t even know what I want. Your tumble dryer metaphor is brilliant. What it comes down to is a solid, constant state of confusion and half the time it’s hard to work out what you’re even confused about.

    ‘Quarter-life crisis’ is a term thrown around quite a bit these days, suffice to say it’s probably not far from what we’re experiencing. The BBC reported on it back in 2002 – I guess I underestimated how much of an impact university would have and how daunting the future would be, but it appears we’re far from alone. You know I’m always here if you want to let out some steam. Sounds like right now we could both do with one epic hug and some brotherly compassion!

    • hypersonic55

      January 18, 2012 at 11:06 pm

      Ah man, dude I swear it’s like we are constantly aware of each other’s feelings even though we’re so far apart these days. I’m surprised that the this cloud of indecisiveness has spread to so many other people and that it’s not just me thinking I’ve temporarily lost the plot. But dude I don’t believe I have ever felt so lost in my life, even when I’ve made quick-fire decisions in the past I never really thought about them and just went with the flow, but with university this is the first time I’ve ever really started to question my actions and its that constant question that I believe is breaking mey normal cycle.

      And holy man I read that story on that link you sent me and holy man it’s literally like it was speaking to me, I felt it and everything made so much sense and I’m so surprised that many people feel this way in their 20s. My god. I listened to the The Real Folk Blues and man that was heavy, sounds so good, but felt like I had a n even deeper connection to the song due to my current state of mind. But cheers man, seeing and reading your comments actually brought a tear to my eye. To know that you are still there even though we’re worlds apart means a lot and to be honest I could really use that epic hug yo. You are the best brother ever, hopefully we can hang again when I make a trip back home in February.

      • Godspeed, Touka-man.

        January 19, 2012 at 4:01 am

        I know, haha. It seems we’re always in sync, it’s like we have some otherworldly bond. I know how you feel, I think this is probably the most transitional period in our lives. I guess it’s something we have to unfortunately fight through. I wonder if it’s worth it, but I think in the long run it probably is. This is just but one chapter in our lives, and does not mean an unhappy ending in the slightest. Stay strong, man. Believe in me who believes in you. And please do the same for me! We’re together in this.

        Indeed. I read it some time ago when I was feeling a little down and I was shocked to see so many people were affected. On one hand I feel sad for everyone, but on the other I’m glad it means so many people aren’t alone. Yeah, it’s weird how music works sometimes. I’ll have to revisit The Real Folk Blues myself! Right now I have To Heal by Underworld on repeat. It’s that song that was used at the end of Sunshine, and it has never sounded so beautiful.

        Aww, that’s really nice to know man! I feel the same way. When we see each other next month, I’ll be sure to deliver that epic hug. Along with some much missed high fives.

      • hypersonic55

        January 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

        I think it’s alright now, even though the problems feel like they are amounting in the end i have to remember who we are and how brilliant we are and how we have perservered through many things/problems in the past, so I believe that university is as you say “the most transitional period in our lives”, we’ll still be able to smash it eventually because that’s the kind of people we are; smashers πŸ˜€

        I know, seems like emotions run high at certain points in life and not everyone follows the same tune and some actually have problems like ourselves. Ah Sunshine, I should really watch that again some time and I should probably give that song a listen too as music seems to be my saviour and protector in times of great crisis.

        Yeah man, those high fives and hugs will come and they shall be magnificent!


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